Cultimatum: Ep.#46 Escaping the Guru: Amy's Journey Through the Divine Light Mission
Welcome to Cultimatum, the podcast that delves deep into the culture of complexities of cults and human trafficking. I'm your host, Anonymous Andrew. Each week we explore different facets of cult life and human trafficking, from the psychological manipulation to the brave stories of those who have escaped.
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Our guest is going to be anonymous, so she's going to go by the name Amy. That is not her real name, but we are protecting her privacy at her request. She was with a cult called the Divine Light Mission, and she's here to share her story with us.
Amy, welcome to the show. Hi, thanks for having me. Okay, where would you like to start?
Well, I could basically tell you my story of how I ended up in the Divine Light Mission and obviously the impact it had on my life. Guru Maharaj Ji was the guru, the leader of the Divine Light Mission. She (Amy's mother) found out about it 1973, when I was two years old.
Guru Maharaj Ji originally came to the West in 1971. So in 1973, she took me to the Palace of Peace in London, which was their kind of main centre in the UK at that time. While we were there, my Mum did what we call 'service' which is basically voluntary work, and basically was learning the teachings of Guru Maharaj Ji. Basically, I was in a creche while we were there. Part of the cult is Knowledge is the ultimate practice that you can receive. So Knowledge is like getting given the meditation technique.
So my Mum was down there, wanting to receive Knowledge. So basically, part of it is, once you've studied so much about Maharaji, you then ask the, at that time, it was a Mahatma, you ask the Mahatma if you can have Knowledge, which my Mum did. And the Mahatma said no, because my Mum was too committed to me, and she was too attached to me.
So basically, she was refused Knowledge. We came back to our hometown, and my Mum basically left me with an aunt and went back down again, and received Knowledge, obviously, with me not being. So that was basically the kind of introduction to the cult. My Mum then came back, and I went to live in, at that time, a hippie area, and the people in the cult are called premies. So my Mum and I lived in various houses with the premies. And that was basically up until I was about four.
And during that time, I went to Essen in Germany to see Maharaji for the first time. And basically, it was like a bunker, I suppose. It was basically a massive bunker where, during the war, the Germans would put their tanks and things like that. And there was like rows and rows of beds in it. I basically stayed in this, and went to see Maharaji. But I had very little knowledge of that, or the memories of that, because I was only three years old. But I would have been through, the first time, a ritual called Darshan. So Darshan is basically where Maharaji would sit on his chair, throne, whatever you want to call it. And basically, everybody would file past, and as they went past, they would kiss his feet.
And it's basically looked upon as a very spiritual experience, and a very privileged experience. So my first introduction to that would have been when I was three. And I would have been placed at Maharaji's feet. And we then, I went through about a year when my Mum and dad got back together again, and lived a semi-normal life. After that, my Mum took me into the hub of the community when I was about five. So that would be in the hub of the community, they had an ashram. And we also had a spin-off house of the ashram. So I basically went to live in a community. Just at that time, it was all adults.
Obviously, it had its rules and regulations, it's quite controlling. So there was no eating of meat. So you're all vegetarian. And in every room of the house, there would be a big picture on the wall of Maharaji. So obviously, as a child, you're five years old, and in that environment, basically, the symbolism of having Maharaji all over the walls is basically to make you feel that he's always looking at you, he's always watching you, whether that I took it as a child, I was in a protective way that Maharaji was always looking after me. And he was always there keeping an eye on me. And I lived in, that was a bit challenging, shall we say, because not everybody in the 70s were the most, all the hippies were the most stable. It moved about a lot. And ultimately, I ended up living in the ashram, which was the main hub of the community.
Throughout this time, I wasn't allowed to watch television, so we had no television either. So basically, growing up from the age of five till I was about 10, 11, my whole life was really just indoctrinated into the cult and all the different practices. And we did, we had a practice called Aarti. So that's a kind of ritual that's part of what we call Satsang, where everybody sits in a room and one person at a time sits and talks about Maharaji and their journey or, to be honest, I can't really remember what they were talking about, because I was just a wee girl, I just sat there and listened. And at the end of it, we would have a ritual called Aarti, where I would stand, and we would have an altar in the room, and I would stand in front of the altar with a wee tray and a candle and flowers on it, and we would sing a devotional song to the altar and the picture of Maharaji, while I kind of swung this tray about. And then I would go round to everybody in the room and they would, you know, symbolically cleanse themselves with the heat coming off the candle.
And there was a lot of other things. We had a lot of Mahatmas from India staying with us. And basically, I kind of lived like that until I was about 10, 11. Went abroad quite a few times, went to Rome, went to Malaga. During that time, I participated in Holi festivals. So we would basically go to Holi, and that's like an Indian festival. A lot of people celebrate it just now. So we would all go into like a big field, and then Maharaji would have a big stage with water guns on it, and he would basically spray everybody with the colored water. Everybody would be all screaming and jumping up and down. And to be honest, that was quite fun as a kid, because you just looked on it as it being a big water fight. Albeit it seems a bit odd, but it was quite good fun. What else? I'm trying to think of anything else important.
Is there any questions you want to ask me about that before I go on to my life?
I do have a question. You said at one point that your Mom was told that she was too attached to you, and then she brought you somewhere else, or you were brought somewhere else at that time so that your Mom could receive the Knowledge that the leader was offering. Where did you go, and for how long were you separated from your mother? Well, my Mom basically left me with her sister, and my sister ended up… My Mom just disappeared.
She didn't… It wasn't as if like there was a difference. She was leaving me. She just disappeared, and her sister took me round to my aunt's, and my aunt watched me. And I don't know how long that was, but basically that was my Mom. Obviously the cult had told my Mom that she was too attached to me, so… And remember, my Mom's very young at that time, and very vulnerable. My Mom must have been only about 19, 20, and she was very vulnerable. So the cult basically took control of her and told her that she was too attached to me. So basically what she chose to do was to detach from me, literally, so that she could go and get this wonderful Knowledge that the cult had promised was going to solve all her problems and make her life better. So I can understand why she'd done it. Obviously I was very young. I was three at the time, so I don't really have any memory of it, but I do know she left, and just went away, and left me with my aunt. I don't know how long I was there for, but I was looked after. My aunt was looked after as well. I think my dad actually might have came and got me at some point, but I don't really know. I don't really know the answer to the total part of that.
I have another question. Do you know if that was something that was a common practice within the group, to separate parents from their children if they felt that there was too strong a bond? Or was your Mom singled out in particular? And I have the same kind of question. So in addition to Melody's question, what was it that they saw that they thought you were too attached? To me that's a foreign concept. A mother and a child is one of the most strongest bonds in humanity. I don't understand why they would question that. Because within the cult, the guru has got to be the main focus.
So when I was brought up in the cult, the guru was supposed to be my main focus, even as a child. They look on it as he is the Master, and you are the devotee, and you worship the Master. So the Master is looked on as the most important aspect of the whole cult. So that's why when I talk about darshan, darshan is you basically surrendering yourself to the Master. So basically from the age of three, I was getting taught you have to surrender. You're taught to surrender to the guru. That is how you basically achieve. I'm not sure what it was they were trying to achieve, because they had another topic they called riding on the Holy Name. So ride the Holy Name, and that's all about putting your faith and trust. It's a lot to do with faith.
I'm just telling you as it happened, and it's now that I'm actually re-understanding what happened to me, because I've only started looking into this last year and a half. So it's only now as an adult I'm trying to get my head around what happened to me as a child. In my community, there wasn't a lot of children. So in my community, there was another two. Now, whether or not their parent was asked to put Maharaji first, but she most certainly did put Maharaji first. Basically, when I was brought up in the houses I was brought up in, Maharaji was the main focus of everybody in the house. So basically, I was just a child in that house. I mean, there was no focus on us as children.
Eventually, another two girls moved in and there was three of us. I mean, we basically looked after each other. Everybody in that house was focused on Maharaji. They went to satsang every night. They ate together. One time I sat down to dinner and we got told we weren't allowed to talk unless it was about Maharaji. He was the main focus. They're consumed with Maharaji. That's all they spoke about. And that's all their focus was about. Everything they did was about the cult and the cult leader and everything about it. Well, that was why that Mahatma that was in the Palace of Peace at that time. Now, whether or not that's that Mahatma's way of thinking, I don't know what the Mahatma's name was, but obviously that was his way of thinking. So whether or not that's a representation of the whole organization, I'm not sure. But that's what happened.
And the reason I know is because my Mom told me. Because when I later went to get Knowledge, my Mom was like, well, you might not get it. And she told me that she'd get refused the first time. Because a lot of people take it really badly when they're refused Knowledge. It's very much drummed up to be this sacred, special part of your life and your life's going to change. So when something is made so attractive and so fabulous and out of this world to be refused, it has a really bad impact on some people. So it would have had an impact on my Mom. And albeit, remember, she was only 18. She was very young and very naive. Why they wanted to separate from my Mom? I can't answer that. I don't know. Okay.
Well, I was going to tell you about the name changes, if I could go through the name changes. So 1971, he came to the West and he was the Divine Light Mission. Then what happened was he came to the West as a young Indian boy, he was only about 12, 13, and brought all his family. And his family were treated like the Holy Family. But then him and his family fell out [1974] because he married a white American and moved to America and his family were not happy. So what he did was he changed everything and turned it into the Elan Vital, which was a more modern version.
Then in 2001, he turned it into TPRF. And a lot of this is down to making charitable status, because it's all about making money. So the charitable status, I think it's got some sort of tax purposes behind it.
Then in 2008, he changed it towards peace. And then in 2012, he changed it to the Peace Education Program, which he's now taking into prisons, and he's now taking it to schools and selling it as a self-help type of program. And it's aimed at 12-year-olds or 14-year-olds and upwards. So children are now getting exposed to this cult. And when all the introductions are done to the cult, you will not see Maharaji's face, he's very much in the background. And there is actually an interview out there of him talking about that. He's in schools, basic schools.Yes, it's very scary, very scary. And he went into a prison in England in June. He went into Leedsprison to speak to prisoners and published a video showing him doing it.That is very scary. And what's even more frightening is that in the UK, to go into prisons and to gointo schools, you need backing from politicians. Politicians don't just let anybody in.
So from my perspective, there's politicians backing Guru Maharaj Ji, and I think that is quite frightening, very frightening. Because obviously, you know, obviously, I mean, I would like to talk about going into the real world as well, because that was where my major issues came in, if that's okay. So when I was 10, going on 11, that was when the Divine Light mission came about and Maharaji decided he was going to close all the ashrams. Because obviously, the ashrams, it's all the Indian culture. He wanted to get away from the Indian culture and try and make it more modern. Because throughout the cult, Maharaji's always targeting money and people in power and people in positions. If you look at him online, he's in all the parliaments and governments and councils all over the world. Basically, he knows exactly what he's doing. He targets the right people.
So when the ashram shut down, one of the premies offered my Mum somewhere for us to stay. So my Mum and I basically went into a house, but the people that lived in the house weren't all premies. They were just ordinary people, which I stayed in for a few years. Basically, I was exposed at that time to situations that no child should ever see or experience. Basically, that was all down to my vulnerability. When I left the cult, I was very vulnerable because I didn't have very little contact or very little bond or relationship with my extended family. My family was basically the premies in the cult. So when I left, I lost all them and I didn't have any support mechanisms there. So basically, from the time I left the cult, I was very, very vulnerable. And basically, I was so vulnerable that for the majority of my adult life, I was basically a target for…
And I'm sorry, just to clarify again, how old were you when you left? If you said it, I might have missed it. That was from about the age of 10, 11. She asked you, how old were you when you left? Did you leave with your mother? 10. I would be 10 going on 11. Did you leave with your mother? Yes, my Mum and I. So my Mum and I went in to live with one of the premies. He had a big house and rent rooms out in it. So there was quite a few people staying, so we went in to stay in that house. Basically, I lived there for quite a few years. And as I say, I was exposed to things that a girl of that age should never have been exposed to, basically down to my vulnerability. And these were people who had very good jobs and were very, probably quite well thought of in society. So moved from that. And then eventually, my Mum miraculously got offered a fabulous house when I turned 14. A very good house through, I don't know, House Association or whatever you want to call it. I don't know what you call it in America. Miraculously, that got offered to her when I was 14.
I don't know why they couldn't have done that for her when I was 10, 11. I don't know why they had to wait till I was 14 before they gave my Mum a house, but they did. Basically, we moved into that house. And I did, well, we didn't move in until I was 12, so we were delayed a year. I did have quite a nice wee time for a wee bit. And then after that, basically, and I'm not making myself out to be a victim here. Obviously, I've got to take responsibility for my actions, which I'm quite happy to do. But going into the world, you weren't really equipped emotionally, mentally. It was a whole group of people out there that I didn't understand how they thought.
Brought up in the cult to be open-minded, to accept everybody as an individual, not to judge people, you know, all these different healthy attitudes. And then you go into the world and realise, well, the world's not like that. So you leave yourself wide open. So I ended up in a very violent relationship, a very abusive relationship, which was really difficult. And I ended up having a child. And then when I finally managed to leave the relationship, it just went from bad to worse. And again, I was just a target for, I was just a walking target because I was so vulnerable. But obviously, I didn't realise that at the time. I couldn't understand why, you know, why that would happen. Plus, I was also making very bad life choices. Because I was vulnerable, I tended to jump from one relationship to another, because that was my way of surviving. Because literally, I had nobody. I had my Mum, but I didn't have a good relationship with my Mum. I'm not obviously justifying it or saying it's right, but I would hope that that might give you a little bit of comfort to know that I think that it is quite common when you're in a cult and you don't learn what healthy boundaries are, to end up in relationships that don't have healthy boundaries. Good.
Well, I read the book Escaping Utopia, and I found that very, very helpful. I thought that was a really good book, because as I say, I've only started analysing my childhood about a year and a half ago, because before that, I was really just in survival mode. I feel as though I've been survival mode for most of my adult life. I've never really took a step back and kind of looked at things and went, right, okay, that wasn't right, maybe that. I just basically walked about, and I was always made out it was my fault and I was the bad person. I've always been the one that was basically told, you were the bad person, you do crazy things, you're this and you're that. I kind of accepted that that's the way it was, and then I went, hold on a wee second, there's a bit more to this than what I'm thinking. So when I analysed it, I thought, right, okay, if you had went through what I went through, I'm sure you would be a wee bit messed up. But anyway, that kind of snowballed until I was about, I mean, it really got very, very difficult.
Some stuff I can't even talk about just now, because it could cause a lot of trouble, and I don't want to cause any trouble. But effectively, up until 1996, I basically tried to take my own life. At that point, I was 24. I ended up in hospital, getting my stomach pumped, etc. She said that's not uncommon. Yeah, I know, I know. I did actually first feel suicidal when I was 16. That's when it started, but I basically tried to take my own life when I was 24 and then decided after that to go back to the cult, because obviously the cult was my safe space. That's where I thought I belonged, because when I came out into the real world and got to know people, I thought, I don't really belong here. So I went back to the cult, because I thought that was my safe space. But I went back, but really the cult was what really caused all the problems in the first place, and I had rebelled against it. So to go back to something, it just messed my head up even more. Well, sometimes we do need to go back to something to just be reassured that it isn't the right answer or the right place for us. That isn't uncommon either. Sometimes as humans, we do that to learn lessons in life and just to reassure ourselves.
It sounds like you did eventually feel or learn that lesson loud and clear that that wasn't a good, healthy place for you.
So I went back, but I didn't really get much from it, to be honest. Basically, I was just, again, in survival mode. In my real life, I was basically just doing, trying my best to survive and making decisions that I thought were right at the time. Thankfully, they weren't destructive decisions. Maybe the decisions I was making weren't how I wanted to live my life. It made me totally unhappy. But I was trying to create as normal and as stable a life for my child as I felt as though I had put them through quite a lot as I had basically wasn't in the right place after dealing with. Again, I do take some responsibility. And it does affect people's lives and their ability to make decisions down the road after they leave 100%. So I went back for about 12 years, and then my child got older, and my Mum kind of interfered or said in a relationship they were having and mentioned the cult in Maharaji, which I had told my Mum she was never to do, and it caused a lot of problems. And I basically challenged my Mum on it, basically saying, I told you, you have not to discuss it.
We tried to make it, that was my Mum's business, and don't bring it into my child's life. And basically, my Mum turned around and told me Maharaji was the most important person in her life. I'd known, but obviously I knew when I was brought up that Maharaji was the most important person in her life. But for them to actually turn around and say it to you was very, very hurtful. And that's when I went, I'm not going back. The leader of the cult or whatever has to be more important and more of a priority than your child. I never went back. And then I went into yet another just not very healthy relationship, which lasted quite a number of years. And when I came out of that, that's when I went, right, okay, you need to take a step back here because I'm in my 50s. You need to take a step back here and have a look and just look at why are you making these really bad decisions? You really need to have a look at things. And then I get triggered and I had some memories that were really, really disturbing about my childhood. And it was quite disturbing, which I'm basically, I've been in therapy and been working with a therapist on that.
So that's when I decided that I really need to try and speak to people. There must be other people out there who've had similar experiences to me. It can't just be me. And I went online and I met a person who is Maharaji's daughter-in-law. She's actually married to Hans, who's Maharajii's eldest son. And I contacted, came in contact with each other and she told me to read the book, Escaping Utopia. And that was like a total eureka Moment. That just put everything into place for me. Because I had basically been through life thinking that I knew there was something different from me from everybody else. I didn't know what it was. I thought maybe somebody said I might have autism. I thought, have I got ADHD? I mean, obviously there is issues there. I've probably got attachment issues and all the rest of it. But I always knew there was something not right. And when I went into Escaping Utopia, that's when I realized I'm just programmed different from everybody else. And especially since I was in the cult from the age of two, you know, I've been at Maharaji's feet from the age of three up until I was 10. That's definitely got to have an impact on a child when their brain's developing. You're getting taught to surrender from a very, very young age. I mean, surely that can't be healthy?
So I just needed to get that out. Can you understand why I am so distressed at the thought that you've taken these programs into schools? There was a lady, a pastor on Sky News, and it triggered me. I was absolutely devastated. And she basically works with knife crime. There's a lot of knife crime in the UK. And she basically brought Maharaji to London to go and meet young girls and boys, teenagers who are in gangs, who are involved in knife crime with their families to talk about peace. I'm watching that thinking, I kissed that man's feet. And remembering all the, and I've actually put pictures up. There's pictures on the internet of him with the children kissing his feet. So it's not, it's not something, you know, that we're just making up. You can go in and you can see it for yourself. It was encouraged. The adults thought it was brilliant you were kissing this man's feet, you know, which is just ridiculous. And also get into the prisons. What's the purpose of getting into prisons? Again, very, very vulnerable people. But I mean, I would crack a joke. I mean, is he trying to create a global mafia? You know, why are you targeting prisons? Why are you targeting vulnerable people? Vulnerable people that are very susceptible and, you know, it's totally wrong. I mean, the whole thing is just totally wrong. And as I say, must be political backing there in the UK.
I don't know how things work in America. But he's definitely in lots of schools in the States. There's lots of videos online of women, of young people in schools in the States, watching videos of them and talking about them. I mean, it's just wrong. The whole thing is wrong. And it really, really upsets me. I get quite upset over it. I mean, I'm getting a bit better now. But it's very upsetting. I don't want to see anybody go through. There's lots of people like me out there. When I got introduced to Shay, she then introduced me to some other girls that I've been speaking to. They're all over Europe and America. And we keep in contact. And they have similar stories to me. I was a lot younger. So I think there's a lot that I've blacked out. I think there's a lot more. But at the Moment, I'm just doing what I can remember. So there's still training today? Just now. But there's a lot more. And it's all very organized. It's all very structured. And it's all networked across the world. And to me, that's quite scary. Oh, yes. Because we're going very, very mainstream.
If you look up the Peace Education Program, that's how he's masquerading just now. And that's all about these kind of self-help kind of things. And peace is possible. And it's all about peace. And he's writing books. And even if you put stuff online, there's so many people will defend him because he's done so much to help people. It might do a lot to help people. But at the same time, there's so many other people whose lives get destroyed through it. There's a lot of premies who have left. When you talk to ones that weren't kids in it, ones that were actually went as adults, a lot of them lost their life savings. They lost their inhabitants because he encourages you to leave money. My Mum will leave money to me, I imagine. I will. I know that for a fact. I know she gives him money every month. So people give him money. He makes a lot of money. He's got a very, very good lifestyle. And so is all his family. She is married to Hans, who's the oldest son. Hans has now left the family. He doesn't have anything to do with it. There's a website called Resources for the Truth about Prem Rawat dot com. And then there you can read Hans's story. And he talks about what he went through. I'm sure he wouldn't mind me discussing it. But basically, he was abused. He says that he was abused by his father. I don't want to say any more because it's not my story to tell. But I would encourage anybody to go and read Hans's story. And that is somebody who knows Maragi firsthand. So this man should not be allowed to go into schools. He should not be targeting vulnerable prisoners. That's completely understandable.
And ironically enough, Amy, my cult has done something very similar. They started a group where they teach something they call peaceful solutions, which sounds very similar to what your group is doing. And I think they try to get into prisons and schools and all these things too. But I think they have a twofold reason for doing this. I also think it's a way for them to launder some of their money. That's just my theory.
I don't know that. But that is a suspicion that I have about their reason for having this as part of their group. And I wouldn't be surprised if my leader stole this from your cult's playbook because they tend to share playbooks and he tends to take things from other religions quite frequently.
When Hans talks about his father and talks about how they operated and how they operate now and they basically operate like a mafia organization. That's what it's like. I mean, years ago, you can look online. It was about 1973, 1974. Journalists in America put a cream pie in Maharaji's face for whatever reasons he did. But it was only a cream pie. Maharaji actually sent people to basically kill him. The man didn't die, but he got very bad injuries to his head. And the people that done it were then sent back to get them out of the way so that they wouldn't get charged. Ultimately, though, that journalist committed suicide not that long ago. But they do operate like the mafia. That's what they're like. And it's all about power and control and it's all about money. But sadly, the people that are enthralled in it and becomes one of them, that's not how they see it. They see it as they're the ones, they're the enlightened ones, they know best, they know better than us. We're the ones that don't understand. And Maharaji saves them and Maharaji is always the one that looks after them in person in their life. And that's just how they are.
If you spoke to anybody that's in it, you'd be surprised about how brainwashed they are. I mean, my Mum's been in it since 1972, 73. And she's a stupid woman. But there's lots of people and a majority of them are all very highly educated. They've all got money. So he uses these people for the power, you know, and he has got politicians, there are politicians in his organisation. I also found out as well that they've got lottery funding out the UK, big lottery to do some of their programmes, which is just ridiculous. It's absolutely ridiculous using it to fund their programmes, getting into the prisons and schools. That, again, blows my mind. Actually, as well, there's a website, it's like Wikipedia, but it's for children. It's called Kiddo. And if you put Maharaji's name in there, he comes up and is actually blaming who and what Maharaji is, which actually makes me want to physically throw up.
I don't even know why. Why? Why? The only reason I would think that they would want to do that is if a child comes home to their Mum and says, I was at school today and the peace education programme's coming in. And it's Prem Rawat. Sorry, I keep calling him Mahaaji. Yeah, that is that is very disturbing. And let me just clarify, he changed his name.
Now, how many different names has he gone by? Do you know? Yeah, I took a wee note of them so I wouldn't forget. So originally it was Guru Maharaj Ji when he came to the West. And when I was in it as a child, he was Guru Maharaji. When I went back, he then he changed his name to Maharaji, dropped the Guru. Now, then he came, oh sorry, when he was Guru Maharaj J, he was Lord of the Universe.
Do you have any idea why he keeps changing his name?
And he was also referred to as the perfect Master. And he was also referred to as the Satguru. Well, I would imagine it's because he's trying to fit into society. He seems to change as society changes. So if you remember in the 70s, you had the Beatles and all that going and getting these Gurus. I suppose at that time, it was quite cool to have a Guru, wasn't it? There was quite a lot of Gurus. And then obviously, when he changed, self-help stuff, now he'll be like Prem Rawat. You'll not want, you know, he's trying to, I mean, he does it in a suit and everything now and everything's all, I don't think he has Holi anymore. And I don't know if there's any, they have an event in Australia because they own a big bit of land in Australia. And they have a closed event for people that have been in the cult for a while. It probably really might do, Darshan. I'm not actually sure. Right.
The pain that I'm feeling coming off of you is palpitating. So I can't imagine what you have gone through. How are you dealing with this today?
Well, basically, I'm just finished my last therapy session. So I've had therapy three times throughout my life. I had a very good therapist who was very, very good. He's really, really helped me. So the last, basically been on a journey of self-discovery without making that a cliché and trying to analyze the cult, its impacts on me and why I behave and make decisions that I have. And he's helped me understand that. And it's been really, really useful. Obviously, speaking free and obviously speaking to Hans and the other people that I got in touch with has been quite good because we've been able to swap stories. At the Moment, I've kind of taken a step back and just trying to live a normal life, like I go to work. But basically, I just live from day to day. I have to get up and do yoga every day. So I get up every morning before I go to work and I do yoga. And that helps me. I am very focused on keeping myself nice and calm, though. I try not to have any drama in my life. I try to keep my life as calm as possible. And basically, just trying. I mean, I do think about it every day. There may be different things, but basically, I just focus on trying to have a nice life, surround myself by good people. I only want to surround myself with people that I feel care about me. And I'm quite fortunate.
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