Bill Patterson
Patterson's satsangs and letters were often printed in DLM official publications from 1974 to 1978 to give guidance to the run of the mill premies after which only the words of Prem Rawat were ever published by his orgs. They are collected here in this 16,000 word file.
I ran AI over this aggregated collection of letters, interviews, and newsletter excerpts from Bill Patterson and the summary, critique and comments are herein.
Dear Brothers and Sisters,
Jai Satchitanand. Guru Maharaj Ji has given me a new service, the service of Mahatma, and it's really beautiful. I feel that there is something really special to communicate. Knowledge in its purest and simplest form is so beautiful. It really is the "good news", and to have a service now that so directly deals with the spreading of that good news is really a joy. We each can share in Maharaj Ji's work, and for each of us there is so much joy to be experienced. The special thing about this new service is not that I'm a Mahatma, but that in this time of stepped-up prachar, Guru Maharaj Ji is now really trusting us to do His work.
For a long time we premies used the excuse that we were just babies, and we really didn't know what was best. But now Guru Maharaj Ji is giving us each responsibility in His mission, and the beautiful thing is that by His Grace we're ready. Readiness doesn't mean that we've become so learned that we can teach others, or that we've attained such a level of sophistication that we can guide others into spirituality. Readiness to me means that we've relaxed enough and become aware enough to be simple and open to His love. Knowledge is so simple, so natural, so beautiful. The more I grow in this Knowledge, the more I enter into the freshness and the wonder and the joy of being alive. For a long time I wanted cosmic experiences, I wanted to understand all the theories of this universe, I wanted more and more and more of all the glamorous experiences of spirituality. But really Knowledge is so simple. "Like a flower born in the spring of the year I will always love you forever." What a beautiful thing to be always in that springtime, to be always freshly born, to have every experience filled with the wonder and the joy of life.
It is an honor to serve Guru Maharaj Ji as a Mahatma, but it is an honor that we each share. In the Gospel of John he talks about how Jesus, at the last supper, washes the feet of the disciples, and they each protest in their own way saying that they should wash the feet of their Master. But Jesus tells them that in the same way that He has washed their feet, so they should wash each other's feet. Guru Maharaj Ji blesses us and shows us so much love and respect as His children, and now He wants us to love and respect each other. It's not that we have to develop new concepts of haw to show respect, of how to treat Mahatmas, because Guru Maharaj Ji has already shown us that respect. Every premie who is practicing this Knowledge is being filled with love and respect. My experience in Divine Light Mission has shown me the growth of that selfless love: prernies serve each other and the love that is generated is so full, so inspiring. Maybe a king or an emperor could have more luxurious surroundings or be served with finer china or linens or have more servants waiting on him, but he will never have the love and respect that comes when premies serve each other. Maharaj Ji isn't trying to create distinctions in making Mahatmas. He's simply showing us the fullness of where we each are meant to be. Life is so full. It is so powerful.
For quite some time I've been asking Maharaj Ji to be a humble piece of dust at His Lotus Feet. And then I read a poem from Kabir where he said that what is the use of dust? To get His feet dirty? Or maybe the wind will blow that dust in His face and get in His eyes? How much more it is to become a part of Guru Maharaj Ji, to vanish our existence in Him. And then humility is not a condition of conceptions or repression: it becomes an expression of the dynamics and fulfillment of Guru Maharaj Ji's own life. When we understand where to go for that complete fulfillment, then we no longer need to depend on the opinions and approval of others. If we rely on the second-hand approval of others to give us joy or to give us assurance, then we will always be dissatisfied. When we go inside we find the complete approval and satisfaction of Guru Maharaj Ji's own world. When we connect with that place inside, when we open up and really experience that which is beyond theories and concepts, then we can really begin to serve Guru Maharaj Ji. At that point Knowledge isn't a theory, it isn't just another religion or another organization; it becomes an experience of love. And that love just keeps giving and giving and giving.
I know love is not easy. Love is a razor's edge path, and we have to be resolute to follow it and to know it. We each have problems to face. We each have obstacles to overcome. None of us is free of pride or ego, but yet still we can serve Guru Maharaj Ji. I know that as a Mahatma I have no special privileges or immunities, because as devotees we can serve Him. Guru Maharaj Ji is here to save us from all of our limitations. He's here to forgive us and let us be free. We can open up and let go of our fears and our doubts in serving Guru Maharaj Ji, and be filled with the power of His love. Even if we make mistakes, if we remember Guru Maharaj Ji, and if we trust Him, then He can help us. If we open ourselves to Him, then He can work with us and do His work through us.
This Knowledge is really a joyous thing. It is so profound and so simple. So often we premies meet each other and we greet each other with "Jai Satchitanand". Saying that sometimes becomes an unconscious thing for us, an easy replacement for "hello", but there is a beautiful thing for us to realize whenever we say that, because "Jai Satchitanand" is a victory slogan. It means "Victory of Truth, Consciousness, and Bliss", and it can be a reminder to us each time that we meet another premie that, yes, we can understand that ultimate truth, we can be happy. And really, happiness is a practical solution.
I'll be on the road soon, and I'm looking forward to sharing satsang with each of you. Jai Satchitanand.
Dear Brothers and Sisters,
Jai Satchitanand!
I want to try to make a habit of writing to you as often as I can to keep you informed of the activities here in South America.
This service is so incredible I can hardly believe it. Four and a half years ago when I left for India, I was ready to go into the mountains somewhere and just realize God or whatever. I had this really strong feeling of completely disappearing into this experience, of completely submerging myself. Now I understand what it means to completely submerge myself into something. In this service it's really that - submerging completely in Guru Maharaj Ji's grace and just becoming a tool. Maharaj Ji was giving me satsang and he said that if a devotee can have even the tiniest realization of Guru Maharaj Ji, then he has to have humility. He has to dedicate his life to Maharaj Ji.
It's so obvious that it's only Maharaj Ji's grace that flows through the fingers of a mahatma and touches whom it wills, how it wills. I don't have to add anything or change anything or make the experience somehow more cosmic or more profound. I only have to get out of the way and let him do what he wants how he wants. There have been Knowledge sessions here where the aspirants were asking, "If this is just the seed, how come it's so overwhelmingly powerful?" So incredible. I figure it's all just for me, so I can realize that in this life I exist only to die into Guru Maharaj Ji. The drop of water falls into the ocean and just merges.
Loring (Baker, DUO Director, Caracas, Venezuela) and I brainstormed a seminar program here, and there are some inspirations worth passing on. I see that this world is naturally made for preparing a person to receive Knowledge. We don't have to force realizations. We simply have to present information and let people figure everything out for themselves. Then their realizations have some meaning - it's not just a trip we're giving them. I figure that rather than saying mantras are horrible and useless, for example, it's much more effective to just present them with a mantra, let them experience the merits and demerits of it, and then let them decide for themselves what they think about it. Rather than telling aspirants that meat is not good for you, let them prepare a vegetarian meal, offer it to the public, and let them realize for themselves what is good and what is bad. I really understand that Knowledge isn't a thing of concepts. Realization of Knowledge is realization of the purpose of this entire creation, and that's pretty enormous. Why should we try to limit it? Offer the truth, give satsang about Knowledge, show them all the other alternatives, and let them decide for themselves. It's so much better to have all of the challenges and all of the freakouts out of the way before Knowledge, rather than after Knowledge.
To live in this world and be empty is such an incredible thing. I tell you, I'm blissed out. The whole combination of doing a new service and being in a new environment and having to do all of my thinking in another language has just ripped the whole control of my life out of my hands. I feel like a little baby; I don't have any defenses or security in this world, but I'm in the arms of Guru Maharaj Ji, and he is providing everything. For years I thought about things like humility and such, but you can't think about it and realize it at the same time. You can only realize it, and if you do that, you don't even exist. What an incredible mysterythis love is!
Give my pranams to my Lord. Jai Satchitanand!
Your brother in his service, Mahatma Satchitanand
It's interesting that we have this darshan. It's so short, just like a minute, when we go through. And now it's double lines, it's super-speeded up, and everybody has such a short time there. But really, every time I have a chance to have the darshan of Maharaj Ji, it is something special, something complete.
For a lot of people it's like they'll wait and wait and wait and wait, and then finally have just a second of darshan. But the transfer that's made from that little tiny bit of contact, is something very, very, very profound.
Maharaj Ji has spent so much time patiently sitting, sitting, sitting. He's made this whole arrangement here just so every single premie can get darshan; because it's something really, really important. Just that instant of contact when we touch Maharaj Ji's feet is a connection so powerful, that it can last for months and months and months and keep us high. And that's the difference, that's why we need a living Master.
"This simple thing, that would otherwise be nothing, with the grace of the Perfect Master becomes everything. Just this one simple second of darshan."
People can keep doing service, people can keep meditating. But without that one simple little second of contact … Maharaj Ji has said lots of times that there are 4 wheels on this car. If one wheel is flat, you have to stop. And the 4 wheels are satsang, service, meditation, and darshan. Darshan is just one tiny, tiny, little second, when a premie can touch Maharaj Ji's feet; but that's equal to all the others.
D.T.: What's the difference between being with Maharaj Ji physically, just being with him, and touching his feet, kissing his feet?
Mahatma Ji: I was in Guru Puja, down in Caracas, during the programs and everything, but my only contact with Maharaj Ji was just one split second in darshan. Yet that was everything. South America was a very beautiful example, because there were so many premies there that had had Knowledge for years and years but had never had darshan. Even more than the programs of satsang, when everybody was able to see Maharaj Ji for a long time, that instant was everything. Maharaj Ji was on stage for 4 hours altogether during the whole festival, and people could sit there and watch him and see him. But the experience that was everything for all of those premies, was that one instant when people entered that room and had a moment to see Maharaj Ji, and had one instant to touch Maharaj Ji's feet and receive Holy Breath.
I tell you, you can't explain it. You can't explain what is grace of the Perfect Master, except that it's everything. Without the grace of the Perfect Master, there is nothing. This simple, simple thing, that would otherwise be nothing, with the grace of a Perfect Master it just becomes everything. Just this one little simple second of darshan - it's incredible. It's like, Maharaj Ji gives one little touch of love for everybody, but that's enough.
It's like, if I have a candle, that's just there, and somebody else comes along with a lit candle, the contact isn't very long to light it, but then that candle's going to burn and burn and burn and burn and burn. This one second when you can have that physical contact with Maharaj Ji is that same kind of thing. It sparks something, and then there's a connection that's made inside. And it just keeps burning.
DT: You've had Knowledge for what, about 5 years; has the experience of darshan changed at all during that time?
Mahatma Ji: I tell you, it's like, darshan is change for me. I can almost see my life since I've had Knowledge as periods - betweendarshans. Because every time there's a darshan, the time before it is then established; it has become a complete experience. It's like Maharaj Ji stamps it, seals it, and you begin anew. It's a complete, fresh thing. Maharaj Ji, in that instant, just takes everything, and then it's like being fresh. If you've ever had the experience of making clarified butter, you put the butter on the fire, it boils up, and all the impurities come to the top.
Then you take it off the fire and you skim off whatever impurities are there. And you put it on the fire, more impurities come up, and you take it and skim those off. For me, darshan is like that. Maharaj Ji just skims off all of the confusions and everything that has been accumulating in the past few months. Sure, there's still lots to go, there's lots of impurities inside. But it's like, that bunch is out of the way and I can go back into the fire. And the heat's going to keep building up and building up. It's a process- until finally - yeah. I'm just experiencing more and more.
You went on a retreat together in the mountains. What happened?
Arthur: It was a good opportunity for us to come together in an informal way, to have recreation together, go hiking in the mountains and so on. We also had satsang about a variety of things. It was a chance to come together as brothers serving Maharaj Ji, and to meditate together.
You've been dealing in depth with the aspirant program and the results of the recent questionnaire concerning the initiation process. One national director felt that the aspirant program merely made good members of Divine Light Mission and that it hasn't helped people understand the importance of Knowledge in their everyday lives. What do you feel about that particular view?
Arthur: I think the main thing is that there's strong satsang. That inspires the aspirants to understand Knowledge. If it's just an intellectual presentation of facts about DLM, it doesn't inspire them. One thing that can inspire someone to receive Knowledge is someone who's realizing Knowledge. If there isn't that company of truth, the person isn't inspired and the aspirant program doesn't do him any good. It's like going to classes.
Ira: It's been proven time and time again, as far as I'm concerned, that the best aspirant program is pure, straight satsang.
Bill: It comes back to the question of propagation. What are we propagating? If people are completely into organization, then that's what they're propagating. An aspirant program is going to reflect that. If premies are really experiencing the truth, then the aspirants are going to pick up on it and be really clear, whether there's an officially organized program or not.
Do you think that as initiators you can over-glamorize the easiness of practicing Knowledge because of your own protective environment of satsang, service and meditation? If that does happen would it be valuable to have a change of service from time to time?
Ira: I've seen a lot of premies who aren't initiators, who don't live in ashrams, just regular family people, and they're definitely experiencing Knowledge and they're not having any great difficulties. They don't think it's hard. They came to Guru Maharaj Ji, they want to realize Truth, and they're not making excuses that they can't do it. They're doing what they can.
Jagdeo: The degree of the experience may change from individual to individual. What is required is to appreciate each other's experience with love, and in this way help and encourage everyone, whether one has more experience or less. It is the need of the time to appreciate each other's experience of the Knowledge.
Gurucharnanand: According to my experience, every premie can realize this Knowledge wherever he is, if he's really enthusiastic. When I received Knowledge, I started experiencing this Knowledge right away. I had one deep longing in my heart: to spread Guru Maharaj Ji's message. That has inspired me to dedicate this life to Guru Maharaj Ji. Since he has given me this opportunity to initiate aspirants, I have been enjoying this service, but I am not attached to any particular service. Attachment to any action causes bondage. If Maharaj Ji changes my service, I would love to do that. I have decided to be happy in the way he wants me to be.
The way the selection process works now you come into a community for a few days and you have to select people for initiation. Do you think it's adequate time for you to evaluate the sincerity of the aspirants or do youfind that at times you can be misled by a false sincerity?
Arthur: I feel that the ideal situation would be if each initiator stayed permanently in a community and worked with the aspirants, or at least if he stayed in a regional area where he could get to know the aspirants personally. Then our understanding of each person would be much more in depth and allow us to make a much more thorough selection.
Padarthanand: To select someone in two or three days' time is a really difficult task. I have to spend a lot of time with them every day to really know them. It's a really hard job but still we do it. As Guru Maharaj Ji pointed out about the selection, just seeing the face of a person, you can know it. And that happens. Maybe it will sound strange to many people, but it doesn't sound strange to me and other people doing this service. Seeing the face you can feel where they are, mostly. If we could get some time, it would be more beautiful. After a three day intensive seminar, they are so tense, then the next day there is a Knowledge session, and then there's no time for me to follow up.
Ira: in that time, you can do selection pretty well, but it's very hard to really have the rapport with those people that we would want personally, whereas in a long period of time you build up a whole relationship. It flows so beautifully into a Knowledge session. Ideally, we would like to see the aspirants all the wav through to receiving Knowledge and afterwards as well.
Okay. I'd like to get your feelings on the meeting that you just had with Maharaj Ji.
Ira: It wasn't the main meeting we're going to have with Maharaj Ji. It was just good, old-fashioned darshan. That's what we needed, that's what we wanted. One thing that really sticks in my mind was Guru Maharaj Ji's concern for all the premies. He just wants everybody to understand and realize what this Knowledge is. He's ready to do anything he has to do for that, whatever changes are necessary. He's completely dedicated his life to us. He really conveyed that to me. Like he was saying, all the premies are depending upon him, therefore he has to take the responsibility to help them understand.
Jagdeo: It was as if it was the meeting point of the river and the infinite ocean, of the individual and the infinite one, of the creature and the creator. It happened in such a way that I was completely in a trance of Guru Maharaj Ji, as if I were merged with him. He loves mankind in such a way that it can't be explained.
How do you feel about working together over the last few weeks? How have you changed personally and what have you learned?
Arthur: For a long time, the initiators were in a separate trip from the organization. I think that was harmful because we weren't working together. There was friction with the community directors sometimes.
A person would go to three different initiators for a Knowledge review and get almost a different understanding from each one, even though they were explaining the same thing. So, on every level, we've been able to work together: on the Knowledge process, on how we explain the techniques. So that when we do go out, we're like one body. We'll have our own individual expressions but what we'll be expressing will be the same thing. It's been really good, really positive. I've been able to see myself more in terms ofjust being a servant of Maharaj Ji, not specifically being an initiator. When you're travelling all the time, you're always an initiator. It's almost like you're typecast. Sometimes you forget you're a servant of Maharaj Ji. You're not an initiator, you're a servant. I lost that focus sometimes. Just to come here and be reminded that listen, man, you're just a servant, you're not anything special as an individual. You have something to learn from everybody. You have something to offer, and something to learn. My purpose in life is to realize this Knowledge, not to get stuck in a category.
Is there anything else you'd like to talk about?
Arthur: Somebody said to me "Well, one initiator said service was being plugged into DLM and then Raja Ji said something else and Guru Maharaj Ji said service is being in the consciousness of truth all the time while doing actions." And he said, "I'm confused because I don't know which is service." I told him to just try to understand the whole thing: service is being plugged into DLM, service is being in the consciousness of truth, service is everything, so instead of taking a definition of service and worshipping that, try to take every description of service and integrate it into your own understanding of what service is, instead of taking one statement and putting golden quotes around it and saying "that's service." Then you're looking for the continuity, you're looking for the consistency. That's something each individual has to do. Nobody gave me a strict definition of service which has been my guideline. It's been my understanding as I've been growing.
In the meeting with us, Maharaj Ji said, "Some of this stuff is infinite. What can we do? We can't put it into complete rationality because some of this stuff is infinite."
Ira: Divine Light Mission is about consciousness, about our own realization. You can never put a definition to anything. You can't define this thing at all. All you can do is dance around it. What you can't say, you have to vibrate from your own experience. Go do it yourself and find out for yourself what it is, instead of carrying a big definition on your back or a quote by Guru Maharaj Ji in your pocket.
Bill: One other thing Maharaj Ji mentioned was that surrender was the most important thing. There's that power called God, and he said it's not rational, it's not explainable, and that you can't really understand it until you surrender. Recently lots of people have been questioning Guru Maharaj Ji, and having doubts about Guru Maharaj Ji, and really Guru Maharaj Ji can't be explained. Until somebody surrenders to Guru Maharaj Ji, he'll never understand him.
I've waited so long to write this letter that I almost don't know where to begin. I feel like it will just have to explode out. It's already more than a month since Maharaj Ji was here in South America, but it was such a beautiful and powerful experience that I can't think in terms of time or relate to it as a memory; it's a living inspiration now.
Here in Argentina there is a band called the Band of Love. The day before Maharaj Ji's program here I was having satsang with them about what it means to serve as an instrument for him, because the day before Maharaj Ji had been saying that musicians in his programs can't just play music, but have to play the music that is just perfect to fit the vibration of the programs and the feeling that he is trying to communicate. In other words, it's a matter of sensitivity and fine-tuning on every level. Then the day after the program Guru Maharaj Ji decided to record the band. He called them all together, asked them to get all their microphones set up, and get ready. They still had all the professional sound equipment from the night before and a professional sound technician who had been organising a very professional, high-quality sound system. And then Maharaj Ji showed up with his tape-recorder: a quadraphonic recorder with every imaginable accessory to produce perfect recording. The sound technician was stupified; he was almost shocked because the quality of this recorder was much more than all of his professional equipment. Maharaj Ji kind of scoffed, and asked if he was expecting a Sony cassette recorder or something?
Maharaj Ji is really professional. By the time he was done with recording the band, they were completely blissed-out; but more, I realized that Maharaj Ji had not only directed them, and tuned them and put them in his control, but he had also recorded the music perfectly. When he finally played back his recorded version of the music, it was much, much better than the original. Such is the mastery of our Perfect Master. He is a master of his instruments, whether it be a car, a stereo, a tape-recorder, or a premie.
We have such a precious opportunity now to serve him as an instrument; to be an instrument of his peace. In Sao Paulo, Brazil, Guru Maharaj Ji explained in his satsang that every human being is a puppet in the hands of the Lord. For me it was really powerful. Every human being has to serve him. Every living thing has to serve him. Our decision, then, as human beings and devotees, is to decide how we want to serve him: consciously or unconsciously. The truth is that he is Master. Our choice is whether we want to be conscious of that truth and be in the joy which is the fruit of that realization; or whether we want to serve him unconsciously and thereby experience the fruit of our unconsciousness, which is frustration and ignorance.
In Mendoza, Argentina, Guru Maharaj Ji was talking about surrender. He was talking about how there is satsang, meditation and service, but that without surrender, all these are nothing. He was explaining how simple it is to surrender.
My inspiration at this moment, and at that moment, and in many moments in between is that "Wow, it's really possible." Actually, I'm realizing not only that it's possible to surrender, but that we have to surrender to even begin in our service to him. This is the basis; we have to surrender first of all. We have to realize Knowledge just to begin living. Guru Maharaj Ji said once that he has enough patience to turn carbon into diamonds. I hope he doesn't have that much patience for me. Or if he has to wait for me, I hope that his patience for me is like one of those machines that manufactures diamonds: it uses so much heat that in a matter of minutes it can transform carbon into diamonds. That's the patience I want Maharaj Ji to have with me. I just want to be an instrument of his peace.
When Guru Maharaj Ji was giving satsang in Buenos Aires, Argentina, he started out saying, "Well, I know that there are premies here who have Knowledge and are practising Knowledge; and there are other premies that have Knowledge and aren't practising, and then there are other premies who haven't yet received Knowledge." I'd been feeling that for a long time -that really aspirants who are feeling the love and have connected themselves with the grace through satsang and service, are premies. But it was so nice to hear Maharaj Ji say that. It's like we now can enter into a whole new era of consciousness in which our limited ideas and concepts which have divided human beings for so long can be erased a little bit more. More and more I'm seeing the vastness and the depth of the realization that Maharaj Ji wants to give us. We're talking now about perfection; the complete experience.
We're living in an age in which the impossible has become possible. To walk on the moon a hundred years ago would have been impossible to even imagine. But today it's possible and has been done. And there are computers, and airplanes, and skyscrapers, and television and radar. This is the age when the Perfect Master has come to do the impossible. His Mission Impossible. What I've understood is that we have to understand the effort that makes the impossible possible.
To get to the moon was not just an automatic process. The scientist and astronauts didn't just sit there and flow with it all and get to the moon. They flowed with the work and the effort. This is the age of the impossible, but is is also the age of the impossible effort. It isn't that Maharaj Ji is offering a perfection that is somehow less perfect and therefore easier to attain in this age. It is the same perfection. It's we who have to change; it's we who have to make all the effort necessary in order to realize the impossible. If we think that Milarepa, and Saint Peter and the others had to do a lot in order to have their realizations, how much do we have to do? We're living in the age when the Perfect Master is saying that he's here to do his job professionally. Which means, this is the main performance. If he's the conductor here to do his job professionally then we, his musicians, have to also do our job professionally. We have to be professional instruments for him.
So many times in seminars with aspirants and premies I have the opportunity to talk about dedication and the Active Membership Program, and I have a problem with this: how come I only have one life to dedicate to Guru Maharaj Ji? How fantastic it would be to be able to dedicate thousands of lives to him. Perhaps this is our service: giving the inspiration to premies so that thousands can realize how precious is this opportunity, so that thousands can dedicate their lives in love to Guru Maharaj Ji. How beautiful it is to be an instrument of his peace.
In every community in South America, we are having rebirths. I am conducting seminars with the premies, preparing them for the Knowledge reviews, explaining what it means to receive Knowledge: that Knowledge is dedication. For most of the premies it really is like receiving Knowledge for the first time. It's really beautiful to know that in this world of Guru Maharaj Ji at any moment we can open the door of our concepts and mistakes and unconsciousness and start anew. We can wake up each day and begin each day freshly. I'm experiencing now such a communication within this service. Communication with the aspirants is much more open, free of concepts and fears. Communication with the premies is more open, because I know that I have as much to learn as them, and we can share a mutual respect and work together in our common purpose. The highest form of communication is called love. There's lots of love in the world of Guru Maharaj Ji.
I remember talking with Doctor John, and he was saying that in a human being the memory is very strong, actually much stronger than the mind. It's just that the mind is in the way. Developing memory of the Word through constant practise of meditation means that this memory is going to grow to such a point that it can just overwhelm the mind. It's like crossing the sound barrier; or like Guru Maharaj Ji explained in our conference at Orlando, it's like the process of magnetising iron: there is a point in this process when it changes. It's still iron, but it's also much more, because it has all the qualities of the magnet. It's really an inspiration to meditate. Wow, such a deep and incredible experience.
Once you get started in satsang, it's hard to stop. I'm including a couple of photos from Maharaj Ji's programs here in Argentina. And also a little bit of inspiration from Saint Francis:
"Reason may understand a partial gift, a transient devotion; the heart knows only the entire sacrifice, and like the lover to the beloved, it says to it's vanquisher, "Thine alone and forever."
What do you understand by "understanding"?
Well, now it's the most important thing. Guru Maharaj Ji is placing a lot of emphasis on understanding.
I can see that there are many people who have Knowledge, who have something very, very precious, but they lack understanding: Knowledge is not worth anything to them just because they cannot understand it. But on the other hand, there are some people who are still aspirants, but they understand: they can understand what the aim of their life is. We have basic questions, but we think they are not important. We think that because we now have Knowledge we must go ahead and realize something more. But first we need to understand the most basic thing of all: why are we here; why do we have Knowledge; why is there a Perfect Master in this world?
Like Guru Maharaj Ji said in Sao Paulo, if a car runs down a person, it doesn't matter who that person is. It doesn't matter if he's a king or a beggar, if he's rich or poor, Indian, Chinese, American or Brazilian because whoever he is, he's going to die. And the understanding we need to come to is something universal. Maharaj Ji says it's not only service, satsang, meditation and darshan, because if we don't understand why we have to do it, we'll sit down to meditate and think, "But what's the point of this?" We might have four techniques, which may be a very profound connection, but if we don't understand that this is the experience we want, and that we really have to dedicate ourselves to that, then these techniques will have absolutely no value.
It's not that we have to practise Knowledge so that we'll understand one day. First we must have understanding and then we should receive Knowledge. Because this is a path of consciousness, and we must have this consciousness before we start travelling.
Now that there are seminars for aspirants and more preparation is needed to get Knowledge, do you think better results will be obtained?
I believe so. The preparation now is to develop roots. This is the most important thing. We don't need preparation to receive Knowledge, we need preparation to practise it, to realize it, to dedicate our whole life to Knowledge. Many people in the past were initiated without this understanding. They received the seed of the most profound experience that a human being can receive, but because it was a seed they could not understand it. We can receive a seed and eat it in order to try to taste it, but then we cannot plant it. And the preparation is only to make us aware that perhaps we are very hungry, but if we have awareness and hungei-, if we have understanding and hunger. we'll know that we have to plant that seed and help it grow. Then later we can eat it's fruits and in this way satisfy our hunger.
Maharaj Ji said that in order to propagate we must understand that that which we have to propagate is perfection; and and without realizing perfection, how can we propagate it? We can only propagate our own limitations, not the pure love of Guru Maharaj Ji. realization is something very profound, it's not merely receiving something and talking about it - that's nothing. It's receiving something, growing in it, understanding it, obtaining the same realization as Guru Maharaj Ji. And then in this way, with awareness and understanding, we can propagate.
Latin American premies are known to be very emotional. Do you think that this has changed now?
I heard this many times in the United States. And now I am travelling here I do detect a small difference between North and South American premies. But you can't say that it's good or bad. I feel that premies all over the world are growing and understanding. It is a process. We all have personalities, and the aim of Knowledge is not to make all human beings the same. Guru Maharaj Ji doesn't want to create a world where everyone is completely the same, he wants to reveal the experience which is the same for everyone. So that each one of us can live using his own creativity. And if South American premies are emotional, that is not good or bad, it's merely their personality, and through the practise of Knowledge this also can be very beautiful.
When Guru Maharaj Ji made his tour of South America I thought "Now I'm going to hear Maharaj Ji's satsang and it's going to be very fantastic because this satsang is for the South American premies and I'm going to find out how to communicate with them." But it wasn't like that. I experienced that Guru Maharaj Ji's message is some something eternal, something universal. It's for all the premies.
In reality I don't see any differences. I'm a South American now and I don't see any differences.
What do you understand by "the family of love"?
Guru Maharaj Ji says he wants to make this world into a family of love, as he mentions in the film. Our first reaction is "Wow, beautiful!" But a family has to continue being a family even when there are difficulties or clashes, they have to overcome all obstacles and this is the commitment we have to understand.
We have so many ideas about love and family. We know that the family is an established institution in this world, and that we cannot realize Know- ledge alone, because that is really impossible. And we know that there is something inside that does not want to come out and face up. I can- not see my own face without a mirror but others can see it. In a deeper sense, I cannot see my faults or limitations, years and years may go by without my seeing these faults. But if premies are going to live to- gether, we are going to have a mirror with us and that is a process which can be very intense. At times we are going to make mistakes and sometimes things will be very dif- ficult, that is why we need a foundation such as a family in which we have a lot of trust and in which we help each other - not just see someone doing something, turn around and walk in the opposite direction and say: "Oh, I feel that is wrong, but I don't want to say anything so he won't feel bad."
The foundation of the majority of families is marriage and in the marriage ceremoney there is a vow of submission: "For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish 'til death do us part.' That is what it's about. That is love, we need that foundation. When two people are joined in marriage definitely there is love at first, but after a few months or years they begin to see the reality of living together. And though there is value in living together, you have to understand how to live together. It's a promise, nothing more.
When there are problems, when we have different ideas, we still have to love. We as premies really have to serve each other. There are times in Knowledge when everything is beautiful, when there is inspiration, an inspiring satsang, when meditation is beautiful, but there are times when things don't happen that way and we are going to go through that experience. And at that moment we can say, "Oh, all the premies are so crazy, satsang is nothing," so we leave everything and go. But it's not like that, we have to live it all. Love is that contract and through it we can arrive at something much greater. I believe that the family of love is composed of two things: one is that premies have their own understanding and their own purpose in life, that they are strong in this sense, that they have their relationship with Guru Maharaj Ji. Secondly, that they recognise the necessity of having a strong relationship with other premies, in their lives. And when we have these two things, we can start living and experiencing Knowledge.
I guess today we just have a chance to get together and have some satsang. I know I feel I'd like to share the different perspectives and feelings and inspirations that I've received over the last month in Malibu.
I know for me I've really understood in the last month that the thing Maharaj Ji wants is that he wants to do it, he really wants to direct. Like when he told me about this service, I got a real shock, because it was something I was completely unprepared for. But Maharaj Ji just explained, he said "Look, legally maybe you can call it President of Divine Light Mission in America, but I don't think that's the real way to look at it. Because if you're going to call yourself 'President' then that means you've got to understand who you're presiding over, and who's presiding over who. And I don't think you're presiding over anything, I think I am." He said "And I want to preside because I know who I want to preside over, and I know that all the premies know who they want to have preside over them." Maharaj Ji was just saying that he feels that he fits that role. Because after all, it is his Mission and it is his purpose, he knows best really how he wants to do it. And the fact that he now wants to be involved and he wants to give that direction, to me is just really exciting. And so he said "Just consider it National Coordinator because that's what it is really, it's just coordinating." And to me I feel really comfortable with that. And finally he said "Look, consider yourself an initiator, because that's the main focus."
I can see that really what Maharaj Ji wants with his staff, is first of all that they're coming from a place of really deep understanding of what we are doing here, of our purpose. And to me, it's a deep thing. What I've experienced in the last month and what I see now just in terms of serving Guru Maharaj Ji is that it's a really big thing. My understanding of service has deepened an awful lot lately: that casual thing of 'Oh yeah I do service' has really been replaced by something much deeper, by a feeling that I really want to serve Guru Maharaj Ji. And by a knowing that service doesn't really happen until there is surrender. And that's such a deep thing. Just to try to keep myself clean of my own ideas and my own concepts about how things should be done and what things should be done, just to try to be in a place that's surrendered enough to be a vehicle for Guru Maharaj Ji to use, to me that's a big thing. It's something I feel, I want to dedicate my life to that because I really want to serve Guru Maharaj Ji. I don't want to serve myself because I've understood how little I can accomplish by doing my own thing, how limited my own ideas are: even though they're in the right direction, they're still just enough off.
I never really had a chance before to be around Guru Maharaj Ji, to work with him and see how he works, and in this last month I was all of a sudden in that situation. And I saw that Maharaj Ji works in a way that can be really frustrating. When Maharaj Ji told me to go out to L.A. before his birthday party, he said "Bring all your stuff." I had all these things about the initiator development program and the ashram, I had a big briefcase and I had a box full of stuff, and I went out there expecting we were going to do some business. And sure enough, the briefcase didn't even open up for a good two weeks. Every day I was wondering "Maharaj Ji, do you want to go over things?" and Maharaj Ji was saying "Sure, sure we'll do it today," and by the end of the day nothing came, and the same the next day and the next day and the next day. And yet something was happening that was really beautiful. Then finally after the second day of the Atlantic City program, after the night's program, Maharaj Ji came back and all of a sudden there at one o'clock at night he said "Okay, bring your briefcase" and he just started going. And I understood that it's not that he's putting off anything, it's just the perspective that he has, the vision that he has, the long-range depth he has in dealing with every situation. Something that to me might seem just really insignificant, Maharaj Ji would say "What should we do about this?" So many times Maharaj Ji looks at it from a place of such depth that, you know, it involves so many other things, and it's beautiful.
And a lot of times, Maharaj Ji just will wait, he doesn't even make decisions. In fact he gave a really beautiful satsang while I was out there, about how you can play the game of decisions, and how you can play that game your whole life but sooner or later you'll just get to a point where it'll just turn out empty. Because to play the game of decisions means it's an intellectual process. And you can make good decisions or bad decisions or whatever, but sooner or later you'll reap the harvest of something really limited. And Maharaj Ji was talking about the other alternative, which is that surrender, where you surrender to that grace. And by being totally surrendered to that grace, it's like the grace moves things. Maharaj Ji said he never makes decisions; the only thing that's special about him is that he has totally surrendered himself to that power of grace and he waits until grace moves, he waits until the situation is ripe and then he just acts. And I really see that that's exactly how he works.
And for me, it's difficult. Like for me to really try to understand my postion at this time, it's a really challenging thing. This last month really put me through a lot, really deep internal things. I really found that I had to practise Knowledge like I've never practised Knowledge before and it was beautiful. Lots of meditation, lots of satsang, doing lots of service, just really simple service, mainly during this last month just washing dishes and cooking food for the premies out there, really simple things because I realized that was the number one thing, that I had to be in a place where I was able to serve Guru Maharaj Ji, where I could be in a place of enough humility and enough surrender to serve Guru Maharaj Ji.
I just know for me it was just confirmed so deeply during these last few weeks, so deeply, how much Guru Maharaj Ji understands. I mean, I've felt this and I've certainly had satsang about it, but this is just like that really final confirmation of directly seeing that Guru Maharaj Ji's the one who can do this, that Guru Maharaj Ji's the one who can bring peace on this earth, and that he's going to work with those people who are surrendered enough to serve him. And that it is a really precious thing to serve Guru Maharaj Ji. I just see that it's possible to come down to the DUO office every day and put out lots of energy and make lots of decisions, and they can be good decisions or whatever, but miss the whole boat, miss the whole purpose, because until there's really that surrender, until there's really that understanding of Guru Maharaj Ji and what he's trying to do, then all of it just seems to … it just misses. And sooner or later, sure enough, lots of decisions that have happened all of a sudden turn out to be something that Guru Maharaj Ji wasn't even really feeling.
And I know that now it's just really positive - certainly Guru Maharaj Ji's in a situation where he's really excited, he really wants to move ahead. And he is moving ahead, you know it's incredible what Guru Maharaj Ji's doing. He's spent a lot of time reviewing the whole situation and he's really acting according to what he sees are the priorities. He is really doing a lot, like the initiator development program, Guru Maharaj Ji just took it in his hands and it happened so quickly. One group just went right on through. Actually to me it was more than I could ever even have imagined. It was something so personalised, so natural, but really inspirational. The Knowledge review he gave was to me, extremely, extremely special. It seemed like he was really working, he was operating, he was really being Guru Maharaj Ji - not only Guru Maharaj Ji as some kind of administrator of an organisation, but Guru Maharaj Ji in that real sense of a spiritual master who's guiding people towards something so pure, so high, so perfect.
So Guru Maharaj Ji is really doing something, he's spending lots of time working on things. He was even talking about his method of operating. He'll sit down, he'll throw around ideas, and then he'll sit for a week just to let things settle out, to see. And you know, a lot of times during that week a lot of changes occur and everything happens anyway, and he'll come back and review it again. Maharaj Ji was saying at one time that the way he works is slow, really slow. Like before I came back Maharaj Ji had spent a lot of time going over the ashram situation - it's almost like a handbook that he's put together, lots of information - and before I was going to come here I asked Maharaj Ji if I should bring any of that information here and present it or something. And Maharaj Ji said "Look, you've got to understand, I work really slow, really slow. You'll just have to have patience." And he also said "The thing is I work really slow, but when the job's done, I feel really comfortable." And I know a couple of weeks before that, he explained that the way he always tries to do things is he tries to wait until that ultimate last moment before he makes a final decision, because then everything's just right, our hearts are right. And so many times, Maharaj Ji will make the decision at the same time that something has resolved in our very own hearts, and that's that grace that Guru Maharaj Ji flows with.
The most important thing is us, just our hearts, what is our understanding, what's going on inside of us. The day before he finally decided that I should come here for a while, Maharaj Ji was saying that he could come to Denver, but what could he do? It's like, if he came he would really like to do something, but first everybody here has to be in that place where they're ready to just surrender, to really try to understand what Maharaj Ji wants and to do it. And to come from that place of clarity, to come from that place of understanding. Because he really wants to have a staff that can work with him, that can really do what he wants. But the main thing is understanding, the main thing is for each one of us individually in our own lives to be having that experience of Knowledge. Because that's the only thing that really can give us total confidence in serving Guru Maharaj Ji. Like I know even being out there at the residence, there would be days when Guru Maharaj Ji would say something and something inside me would just be opposing, something just didn't feel completely resolved. Sometimes I'd just have to go and sit and meditate, sometimes hours, or go and have satsang or go and just do some kind of simple service until I could just get to a place where I was surrendered enough, deep enough in the experience of Knowledge, really confident enough in the experience of Knowledge, confident enough in my trust of Guru Maharaj Ji as my master, to be able to really understand that what Guru Maharaj Ji was saying, the direction and the guidance that he was giving was something real. And that I could trust it and that that really was my job, that was my duty just to surrender, to serve and to be a channel for him.
I just see that that's really the first priority, for us to look at our own lives and really try to understand, what is this Knowledge to us anyway? To me, I really want to serve Guru Maharaj Ji, to me that's just such a precious opportunity and if Guru Maharaj Ji is going to give me a service that I can do, what a beautiful thing. And I know that that's the main priority, that's the main perspective, to really work at. Just for all of us here, it's to really go into Knowledge, to really get into it. To really have that dedication into Knowledge. To me, I'm convinced, I'm really convinced. I don't think it's in a conceptual way because there's been too much real experience, just in my own practice of Knowledge: I really know that he is real, that Guru Maharaj Ji can do what he's talking about. Even though a lot of his claims are really outrageous, like talking about bringing peace to the world.
Guru Maharaj Ji, before and after the Atlantic City program, talked a lot about exploding the peace bomb. That's something I'd heard a long time ago, but he really talked about it. And I know for me that during this time he sure exploded something inside of me. I don't even know how to begin to describe it, it was something so incredible. Just something total inside, like a concept bomb, but beautiful. Because I just saw that in that context of really practising Knowledge, really, really, really trying to practise Knowledge just to the best of my ability, and something so beautiful, just like a transformation, took place. And it's beautiful. To me that trust that I feel for Guru Maharaj Ji, that love I feel for him, my dedication to really want to serve Guru Maharaj Ji, is just stronger than ever and it feels so beautiful. Because I just feel: yeah, we really can do it. Just like Guru Maharaj Ji was saying almost two years ago when he went to India, about that sword that we have as premies - we've got Guru Maharaj Ji.
I know that when the first group of initiators were out there, Maharaj Ji gave an initial satsang and he said "Look, there is only one thing that I really want to explain to you, there's only one thing I want to talk to you about, the most important thing which is surrender." And he said "Before you can understand surrender, you've got to understand what you're surrendering to." And that's when he talked about how it's not who is Guru Maharaj Ji because that's an impossible question to ever answer, but what is Guru Maharaj Ji. And as soon as you understand what is Guru Maharaj Ji, then the next thing is you've got to surrender. And until there's surrender, there's no service, it's not even possible to talk about service, because it's just going to be actions, it's just going to be a job, it's just going to be something we're doing, and it's not service to Guru Maharaj Ji, it's not that highest thing, it's not that fulfillment of our life.
The Knowledge review Maharaj Ji gave us was a mindblower. I don't know if I'm even ready yet to really appreciate what it was, because it was so pure and simple. There was just nothing in it for mind to grab on to. Just so pure, streamlined down, just ready. Because it's a Knowledge that's based on surrender. It's not that it's really different, like now since I've had the Knowledge review and have been meditating and everything, I'm finding that really it's not so much different but boy, at the time it was just so precious. I feel that Maharaj Ji gave something precious, he gave Knowledge, but he also said "Okay now, meditate." Like now this is your job, to meditate, and meditate a lot.
And it wasn't like he just increased the concept from a one-hour concept back to a two-hour concept, he didn't just double the concept. Because you can talk about an hour of meditation, and it's almost like something you just plug on to the end. You know, you've done everything else that you're going to do, and then you just kind of tag on an hour of meditation. You can just relate to it in that way. But Maharaj Ji completely opened it up. He didn't open it up to the point of saying "Okay now do at least two hours of meditation," because that wasn't it. He said "Do two hours of meditation if you can, do three hours if you can, do four hours if you can, do five hours of meditation if you can, if you have a whole day, do a whole day of meditation." It was just Re fill every minute. And he had explained something so clear, so precise, that I could do with my time. And all of a sudden, it started to encroach on my day with all the things I thought I had to do, because here was something that would encroach totally, a dedication. I've really got to dedicate myself to meditation. Those times when I would normally go off and maybe have time to just do extra things, Maharaj Ji was just saying, "Do meditation, this is the way that you can really know."
The key word for me is simplicity, get back to the simplicity, get back to that focus, get back to that real dedication. Maharaj Ji was talking with one of the new initiators before he was made an initiator, and he just asked him, "Have you dedicated your life?" And he said "Well yeah, Maharaj Ji, I've dedicated my life." And Maharaj Ji said, "Have you dedicated your life, period?" And he said "Well…." And Maharaj Ji said "When you understand that 'period', then I'll give you your service to do." And I see that that's what Maharaj Ji is looking for here too, have we dedicated our lives period? Have we understood Guru Maharaj Ji enough, have we understood his purpose, his mission, his Knowledge, so that we can really on that deepest level say "Yes, I've dedicated my life to Guru Maharaj Ji period." Because it's then that Guru Maharaj Ji can really have the confidence, he can work, he can go.
And for me, I really like the ring of that period. It's not an exclamation point, because that might be a little bit too fanatical or something; it's not a question mark, it's not a comma or dot dot, it's just period. It's like "What else am I going to do?" It's just that in me, so deep down inside, something is just welling up. There's an inspiration inside that's just so deep that it gets to the point of wanting to really explode out, but yet I know on the other hand to just surrender, to really be patient, just knowing that Maharaj Ji is really working.
I feel really humbled just to be able to serve Guru Maharaj Ji, really humbled. Because I know so clearly that anybody could do this, Guru Maharaj Ji could just have anybody do it. You know, Guru Maharaj Ji will accomplish his job one way or another, but to me it's so precious that I'm able to serve him, and at the same time I can have that service be a realization. And all I know is that this last month was really a breakthrough for me, on so many levels. It's like that impossible dream. Like, by what authority can Guru Maharaj Ji come and sit up on a stage and put a crown on, what's he trying to do anyway, what's he trying to communicate? By what power is he doing that? It's either by the power of very tremendous ego, or it's by something else that can't be understood through your mind and intellect. And I just know that that is there, and Maharaj Ji is ready to really reveal that to us, he's ready to open us to that deepest experience, that deepest surrender. And I really feel like something just exploded open in me, beyond even any imaginations or ideas or concepts. I see that it's on the basis of something so real, so beautiful, that Guru Maharaj Ji's here.
What he's talking about now, his message … I know over the last month, he gave a few satsangs that … well I don't know, maybe if I live my whole life I'll understand it sometime, but it's just a deep, deep, deep thing. He's talking about total surrender. I saw during the month, right towards the beginning Guru Maharaj Ji gave a satsang at one point where he mentioned that there is a thing called total surrender. And I remember when he was here just before his tour, I was meeting with him and he was giving satsang and he just mentioned that there was a thing called total surrender to that infinite power, and he was saying how it was just so incredible. And then during the course of the month he just talked more and more about it until after the second Knowledge review he had, he said "If you ever want to understand Knowledge, you've got to totally surrender, you have to totally surrender." And it seems like an impossible thing and something inside you goes "But how, how can I even imagine that maybe it really is true, that maybe that impossible dream really is coming true?" And yet I look around, and I see that it is happening.
It just seems that if any of us can really click in any way that this is that Knowledge, this is that incredible Knowledge, and if any of us can in any way surrender … Like I remember Guru Maharaj Ji, a year and a half ago, he called me from South America to the residence, he was giving a little satsang about surrender and he just said "You know, if you've ever even experienced 'that much' of Knowledge, you have to be humble because what we're talking about is so vast, so huge, so enormous, that you have to be humble." It's not putting on the mask of humility, but it's like when you really understand that experience, it's perfect, it's so deep. And then it's not "Oh, I'm serving Guru Maharaj Ji" it's "Wow! What incredible grace it is that I in any way can even just know that something like this exists, even have the hope that something like this exists much less actually experience this in my life, and even take it one step further to not only experience it, but to somehow serve Guru Maharaj Ji as he tries to spread this." And then it just seems that dedication comes naturally. What else is there?
I mean what was it that brought me to Guru Maharaj Ji in the first place? Nothing else was working. And since I've come to Guru Maharaj Ji, it's just been such a beautiful transformation. Am I going to doubt that now, am I going to somehow turn around and say "Maybe it's just a dream, maybe it's just hopeless idealism?" To me, it's just "Okay, I'm ready to just move on ahead." And it's just really exciting, beyond success or failure, it's just the chance to serve, because if we really understand surrender, then surrender is something beyond success or failure.
If there's understanding of surrender, then throughout whatever comes, there can be surrender. Maharaj Ji said that so many times he gives opportunities and sometimes it's way over our head, but all he really wants is just for us to experience that yes, it is over our head, so that we can have that humility and surrender and come to him humbly. And he said that any time a person is put in a situation where it is over their head, where they feel they're completely unable to deal with the situation, he said if they just simply can realize that and come to him humbly, he's ready to just give them more than ever, because that's his grace. But he just wants us to understand that deepest experience. And the way to get there is beyond mind, beyond all the extensions of mind. And I know, I know the beauty of Knowledge, and what a beautiful thing it is to be able to spread it. And if Guru Maharaj Ji has created Divine Light Mission to be able to spread that Knowledge, what a beautiful thing to be involved in.
And I just really see that Divine Light Mission can be so shiny, so shining that it demands respect. Like Guru Maharaj Ji was saying in one satsang, "We've got Guru Maharaj Ji, we've got Knowledge, we've got our faith and we've got our dedication. And if you really go out and show this world that you've got Guru Maharaj Ji and you've got Knowledge and that you've got faith and dedication, nobody's going to be able to ask a single question." And I really see that. If we as Divine Light Mission, if we just as devotees serving Maharaj Ji can simply be in that place, really have that faith and that dedication, we can just go out and show this world. That's the way we relate to this world. We don't relate to this world by going and joining the world, going into all the craziness, the way we relate to this world is by going out and showing them that we have Guru Maharaj Ji and we have Knowledge and we have our faith and dedication. And then people can't ask any questions. Because nobody else has Guru Maharaj Ji and nobody else has Knowledge and nobody else has faith and nobody else has dedication. And that speaks really strongly. And it seems that that's just what we can be. Not as some fanaticism, but just as a real thing, just as human beings living our lives to that wholeness.
From about late September Guru Maharaj Ji had given me the job of working on the Initiator Program - some kind of program to get new initiators out on the road. We had designed a whole program and then Maharaj Ji came here to Denver before his tour to Swaziland and he spent about four hours with me going through a lot of different things, confirming it. Then he went on the tour and came hack, and I knew that he had changed a lot of his feelings from having that direct contact with premies on the tour, so I called him to find out if he wanted to go ahead with any of the plans, and he said that I should come out to Malibu. It was three days before his birthday so he said, "Why don't you come out, and you can be here for the birthday, and then we'll sit down and talk over the plans."
The birthday happened. It was really beautiful; Maharaj Ji was really excited because he felt the love of premies. Then after that, things started changing. We didn't have any meetings; I just spent time doing really simple service. And Maharaj Ji was just doing really simple things, relaxing and resting. Every now and then he'd call Mike Dettmers and me in to talk about the Mission and some of his feelings. And probably four days after that, one evening, he called me in and told me he wanted me to do the service of National Coordinator.
He said he'd get together with me right away and go over what that meant. But we didn't get down to any specifics until after Atlantic City. It was such a beautiful thing to see how Maharaj Ji worked. Because a lot of the time that he spent out in Malibu was relaxed, yet he was working all the time. He was really reading the hearts of premies. He's already done the things that were most needed.
He knew that there was such a need for initiators. He had given a lot of inspiration in Atlantic City, and the first priority that he had to follow up on was to get a lot of inspiration happening. When premies are inspired, it's something so contagious, so strong, that you can't hold it back.
He almost acts without acting. He just does things. All of a sudden things happen. All of a sudden the first Initiator Development Program is happening at Malibu. Maharaj Ji invited five premies out, five of the people that he'd interviewed in Atlantic City. We had a really relaxed week out there. We had satsang together and Maharaj Ji came in every now and then.
We'd meet upstairs in this little room and during our breaks we'd come out and watch Maharaj Ji fixing the engine of the Aston Martin, or just walking around. It was something so natural, yet really focused, really specific. And Maharaj Ji gave a Knowledge Review which was really significant. Maharaj Ji has been working, has been doing things, but in a very gentle way.
He wants to do it personally. He's the only one that really knows what the Mission is, and has that broad enough perspective to know what is best. Even in making me a National Coordinator, Guru Maharaj Ji was very specific, saying, "Well, you're not a director, because who are you directing? Who's directing whom?" And he said that, "I'm the one that really knows the direction in which this thing needs to go." He said, "I would like to be the one who can direct. But I'd like to have enough people who are surrendered enough to be able to really do what I want." Maharaj Ji would explain it so clearly. This has been his message for so long: that he knows what is best for premies and what he wants is the best for us. He wants that love, that deepest experience of love for all of us.
Did Guru Maharaj Ji get into any guidelines for your work, - what he wanted you to do as National Coordinator in the next months, or the next year or so?
Yeah, he did. The very night when he told me he wanted me to be National Coordinator, he said, "Really what I want you to do is consider yourself an initiator." He said that as far as he's concerned that's the main priority right now: to make sure that the focus is kept. That focus of understanding, that focus of dedication, that focus of love for Guru Maharaj Ji. And then, at the same time, he wanted me to work with the Mission, but he really wants it to be simplified. And I see that Guru Maharaj Ji wants to be involved in it. But at this point he hasn't acted directly because he feels that he wants more time for premies to be able to open themselves up. He wants to give time to premies to really get into the very simple practice of satsang, service and meditation, so we can be in that place that's open enough.
He knows the organization that's needed. It'll be simple. Because like he said, so many times we've gone about things backwards. We've created a whole department, and we've got a bunch of full-time people working in this department, and then we have to go out and try to fill up the time for all those people. But he said, "Well, why don't we reverse it? Let's go back to the real essence. Let's find out what we really need, and then as real things come up, then we'll just start adding people. And let it build from a real level, from a real place."
You were saying earlier that Maharaj Ji was dictating a lot of notes about where the Mission would be going: the ashram, the Active Membership Program, and so on. Could you talk about any of the plans Maharaj Ji has in those areas?
He's got a lot of plans, and he's already working on them. For example, the Initiator Program is really important. He gives a really high priority to that. And he's already got something moving on that. He's not moving ahead too quickly because he knows the stress that is there, to do that service, there's a lot. And so he's just working with a few people.
The same with the ashram. He is working out a whole plan for the ashram and the main thing is the supervision, so that the ashram can be a spiritual environment, where people who are living in the ashram are really getting spiritual guidance; they're able to have that really deep experience of Knowledge.
So there the main priority as far as Maharaj Ji sees it, is to develop a group of people who can serve as Ashram Supervisors. And it's likely that he'll be doing something similar to what he's been doing with the initiators, giving them some kind of training so that they can give Knowledge Reviews and really give that kind of direction.
He knows that every premie needs that shelter. And he knows that every premie is in a different situation and he wants to provide something for every premie. Some premies, during their vacations, may be able to go to retreats, maybe others will be able to spend six months or a year and be in a really intensive environment of satsang, service and meditation. Maybe other people feel really deeply that they just want to dedicate themselves and that they don't want to have any other plans.
It's like he's trying to work out a system that's broad enough in its approach to help every premie in the maximum possible way to get into Knowledge. [hat's the only way we can move ahead, when premies have that deep dedication. And the only way that real dedication comes is by having a real experience of Knowledge.
As far as the Active Membership Program goes, that's a really key part. Because Maharaj Ji has a lot of things he'd like to do. He'd like to make a tour. He'd like to go around to the communities, because it's Guru Maharaj Ji's direct inspiration that can really do this. He's the one that really can open up people's hearts more than anything. But in order to do that, the Mission has to be on a stronger financial footing. He'd like to do movies, he'd like to do so many things that he can be involved with personally. But until there's a financial basis to support it, he really can't do it.
As premies open up more and more to that love, naturally there's that feeling of wanting to give. And right now, if we can get that Mission going, where the focus is right, where the inspiration is there, where it's strong enough financially, think how Maharaj Ji can work with it. He can do the projects he wants to do; he can make the tours. It's just incredible the energy that Guru Maharaj Ji's putting into it. And he wants to go, but a lot of times he's hindered. He had a bunch of film waiting that he wanted to start working with but it requires practical things. It requires money to be able to pick up the film from the processors.
Active Membership can help Guru Maharaj Ji in his Mission but even more it helps individual premies, because that's a service. At this point, to help get the Mission strong is definitely a service. Because we're serving Guru Maharaj Ji.
We're building a strong tool that Guru Maharaj Ji can use in his work. And I know that that's a strong emphasis that Guru Maharaj Ji's giving, "Yeah, as much as possible, premies really can be involved." But it has to begin from that point of inspiration, and that's why Maharaj Ji has new initiators out on the road. He feels that's really significant. Out of that inspiration comes love, and out of that love comes dedication, and out of that dedication we can make a strong Mission.
Maharaj Ji gave a Knowledge Review to the initiators while you were in Malibu. Could you tell me some of your realizations from that review.?
Since I've received Knowledge that's been a thing at the back of my mind that I've wanted, to have a Knowledge Review from Guru Maharaj Ji.
We asked him, "Maharaj Ji. why have you waited so long?" Because he did clarify things. He made it simple, so pure. Not to say that it's a new Knowledge, but I mean it was just so pure that it turned us around. And Maharaj Ji said, "Well, the timing wasn't right." And now he feels that the timing is right.
Mind can't sit down and analyze it or evaluate it. It's much purer than that. And it really requires surrender. It requires putting the mind aside, to be able to step back to that place behind the mind and intellect. To have a genuine experience of Knowledge. It was so beautiful.
Now the initiators are out on the road and they're giving the Knowledge Review. Along with the Knowledge there was a really precious opportunity - but I know that also there's a certain responsibility that goes with it. Because Maharaj Ji really wants us to meditate.
At his birthday party Guru Maharaj Ji mentioned that he had a big surprise for everyone in 1977. What do you think
In the month 1 spent out there with Guru Maharaj Ji, I really experienced a lot of surprises, just in terms of the experience of Knowledge, the experience of Guru Maharaj Ji. There is something in this Knowledge so profound, so real, that we can enter into the world of Guru Maharaj Ji, where all there is is love. If I want to try to understand the surprises of Guru Maharaj Ji, all I can do is surrender. Maharaj Ji showed so clearly that he's got so much in store for premies. There's so much he wants to do. There's so many ways he wants to be involved. There's such a beautiful experience that Guru Maharaj Ji wants to give to premies. And it's totally surprising to have an experience of Knowledge that is so profound that it is beyond all words and ideas.
When premies really are confident in their experience, and really have that faith and have that dedication, then to go out and communicate to people about Knowledge and about Guru Maharaj Ji is so powerful. No questions can be asked because it's beyond mind. And yet mind recognizes. Because even mind in comparison to this Knowledge is humble.
I see that that's the invitation Guru Maharaj Ji's giving now: if premies can really hear his message to get into satsang, service and meditation - do it in a real way - then there are infinite surprises for us.
Will you be doing any initiating?
Boy, I sure hope I can. Especially after the Knowledge Review, it takes on such a new significance for me. And again, Maharaj Ji told me that I should consider myself an initiator. Every time I've been able to work with aspirants, it has been so good for me. Because there is an openness. An aspirant has something so precious. And I guess that's one of the things I would want more than anything else in this world, to be an aspirant.
It's such a hunger, and it's such a thirst, and it's something so beautiful. I don't want to be a finder. A finder means that there's a bit of ego there, "I found it. I was looking for it. I found it." The only thing that's really higher than an aspirant, as far as I can see, is a lover. That's why I feel so happy being a premie. Love is so dynamic; love is so powerful. Love breeds upon itself. ,And love takes us towards its own goal. There's nothing in this world I would rather be than a lover of Guru Maharaj Ji.
Here are some excerpts from a letter written recently to the North American community coordinators by Bill Patterson. Bill, who coordinates the Mission in North America, is also an initiator. His satsang to the IHQ staff was printed in the last issue of The Golden Age.
I know that you are all experiencing a lot after the programs that Guru Maharaj Ji has had recently. He has given us a lot of grace and a lot of love, and in the course of such a short Period of time he has cut away so many concepts and doubts, and has penetrated so deeply into the hearts of so many premies. It almost seems too much to believe. Yet I know that for me, it is that power of Guru Maharaj Ji that inspired me in the first place to dedicate myself to him and serve him. Guru Maharaj Ji now is just confirming something that I have known and felt for a long time - that there is lots of hope, and that we really can come together in love and experience the deepest reality of our lives.
This last program in Denver was proof to me that when our focus is correct, then everything else falls into place so easily. When Guru Maharaj Ji announced that he wanted to have the program in Denver, the first reaction was that there was so much to get done in such a small amount of time. But then we sat down two days before the program, the hall hadn't even been located yet, most of the arrangements still had to be worked out, but we came together and first shared satsang. I saw that when we were all together in our focus on Guru Maharaj Ji, and really experiencing why we were even doing what we were doing, then everything else came together very smoothly. There really was a spirit of cooperation, and what most of us experienced was that we weren't doing very much. It wasn't a situation of working and working and "hassling" and getting burnt out, just to be able to come into a hall at the last minute to try to somehow experience Guru Maharaj Ji's satsang. Instead, it began with satsang and meditation, proceeded with satsang and meditation, and ended with an incredible experience of satsang, meditation, and Guru Maharaj Ji.
So subtly, yet so perfectly, Guru Maharaj Ji is working with us, taking us beyond our limitations, showing us a potential that most of us never dreamed we had. I see that he's molding us and strengthening us to really be premies, to be lovers. He wants us to have impeccable love and faith in him so that we can be with him in spreading this Knowledge in this world.
Shri Maharaj Ji used to say that Knowledge without devotion is dry, and devotion without Knowledge is blind. It's so easy to see the subtle balance between those two. Last summer a lot of premies experienced a lot of focus on Knowledge, but their experience was dry, because the focus on Guru Maharaj Ji had been lost. Now there is a strong focus on Guru Maharaj Ji, there is a whole wave of devotion for him, but we don't want the other extreme either, because devotion without a steady, dedicated practice day-to-day of the Knowledge is blind. I see the same need for balance regarding Divine Light Mission. These recent programs have been so spontaneous, so much on the spur of the moment, that the organisation has almost been on the sideline. Premies just came together and the programs happened. Before, whenever programs or festivals happened, it was the other way around, the organisation was so much involved that it almost became a barrier between Guru Maharaj Ji and the premies. Before this Denver program, Guru Maharaj Ji expressed his concern that we not swing to the other extreme, and let the organisation cease to be involved. Every detail of Maharaj Ji's plan is important, and we all have to be really clear in our own understanding, so that that balance can always be maintained.
Since I took over this service back in Denver, I haven't really done much at all in terms of actively working within the Mission, but to me that feels really good. Guru Maharaj Ji has given me time to really settle into the experience of Knowledge, and has shared a lot regarding the direction that he sees the whole organisation moving. In the conferences he has had after each of the programs, he has shared the essence of his plans with each one of you directly. To me that is so beautiful. I only want to serve Guru Maharaj Ji. I don't want to be into a role or initiate activities that in any way conflict with what Guru Maharaj Ji wants. He has expressed that he wants the Mission to be strong and shining, so that it can be a tool that is completely responsive to him. As he explained to me a couple of weeks ago, we don't have to be responsible for coming up with ideas. He will come up with the ideas, and we just have to be ready to implement them. Guru Maharaj Ji is ready to move. He's got lots of incredible ideas that he wants to do, but until the Mission is strong financially and legally, and until the premies working within the Mission are clear and strong in their focus, Maharaj Ji can't really move ahead, and do the job he wants to do.
As Guru Maharaj Ji manifests more of himself, one part of us is really uplifted; the innermost part of our soul soars with joy, because Guru Maharaj Ji is the inspiration of the deepest part of our being. But the other part of us, the mind, will freak out even more as more and more energy builds. This is our joy to be involved now in the service of Guru Maharaj Ji at this time, though now also is when we have to be especially focused. Several times during the last two and a half months Guru Maharaj Ji turned to me and said, "Do you know now much mind you'll be confronting in this service? Do you know how intense it will be for you?" And each time I would squirm a bit, not knowing how to answer him. But then he would wink and say, "But if you always stay focused in satsang, service, and meditation, then everything will be okay." I sigh with relief. I want to pass this along to you because to me, for all of us, this is our number one priority as coordinators: to be always focused in Knowledge.
I'm experiencing that Knowledge is becoming a part of my life. It's not something I have to force myself to do; it's not something outside of myself that I have to struggle with. It's my life itself. Once we understand that our whole life, our every minute, is meant to be involved into the practice of Knowledge, then all that is left for us is to perfect ourselves in satsang, service and meditation. Then we can make that extra effort to be more concentrated in meditation, more attentive in satsang, and more surrendered in our service. And then the experience will grow deeper, and deeper, and deeper, and there really is no end to the perfection and the beauty that can be ours. Knowledge is the means that Guru Maharaj Ji has given us to connect ourselves to him. By practising Knowledge and experiencing that truth in our lives, our faith in Guru Maharaj Ji will grow. When our faith is strong, nothing is impossible. Faith can move mountains, and even though I don't think there is much necessity to move mountains, we can serve Maharaj Ji and experience a total surrender to his infinite power.
THE MONTREAL EXPERIENCE
Time to prepare, if one can ever prepare, for darshan. Bill Patterson gave us some help the next morning. He told us that Maharaj Ji had explained some things about what happens in that magic moment.
Premies go through many changes when they pass through darshan lines, wondering if Maharaj Ji will look at them, will smile or speak to them. But he had told Bill that he gives every premie as much as that person can handle at that moment, provides them with whatever they need just then. And always with total love. Bill also had another item to report: Maharaj Ji had said Friday night's program was the most wonderful program he'd ever been to!
Saturday. The day of the "blue tube," when each of us came around a corner and gasped to see Maharaj Ji looking in our direction through a long tunnel of blue fabric, which he had designed himself.
He sat for many hours, allowing premies to pass through slowly, feeling unrushed, in total privacy with him during that moment we stood before him and felt that power, that simplicity, that love which neither he, nor we, could explain.
Some waited most of the day for that moment. But, throughout the wait, the strength of his presence grew and grew until it pervaded the building.
The line of people leaving the darshan line went through the middle aisle of the main floor in its early hours but later was diverted to an outer hallway. And, sometime after that, a magic thing began to happen.
As premies wandered out of the hall for one reason or another, they began to gather alongside the outgoing line, forming a corridor which extended on from those officially designated to receive those who had just had darshan.
At some point, just as happened the night before in the subway, a voice began to sing, and then another, and then another.
"The Lord of the Universe has come to us this day …"
Premies in the darshan line floated through the corridor of singing voices, some smiling, others sobbing, many joining in the song. It went on for more than an hour, with some people drifting in and out while others stayed and sang, clutching the hands of the brothers and sisters next to them the whole time.
A daytime program melted into an evening program, with no one leaving the hall, and Bill Patterson eventually informed us that Maharaj Ji was exhausted from those hours of exchanging love with his premies. Instead of coming back to give satsang - a remarkable feat, if he had done it - Maharaj Ji had chosen to return home and rest.
No one felt disappointed after such a day as that.
I'm really grateful to have this opportunity to write a letter and share a bit of satsang with everyone. For me, the opportunity to share satsang is always precious, whether it is over a phone, or through a letter, or by being able to be with you in your connunity or at a program. I'm understanding so clearly that our purpose as a Mission and as a group of premies trying to realize Knowledge is always one thing, and that is to stay concentrated in Truth. It is always beautiful to start out satsang with the simple little phrase "Jai Satchitanand", and to really have a feeling of what it means. Guru Maharaj Ji wants us to realize Truth in our lives.
All of us together stand on the threshold of a new year, and I suppose we could all try to imagine what will be happening in 1978. Guru Maharaj Ji said that 1978 has a nice ring to it, but I don't believe we could ever fit what will be happening in this coming year into our expectations. Guru Maharaj Ji is showing me that he will always give me an experience that is beyond my expectations and so much more wonderful.
A year ago Guru Maharaj Ji launched his "Project Action" in Atlantic City. He wanted a lot of action in satsang, service, and meditation, and he wanted every premie to experience the grace of being completely focused in Knowledge. He said that he wanted to beat the great drums of satsang so that, "… all the brothers and sisters in this world could hear the voice of these drums beating. And then they would dance to it, just like you and I have. Every one of them. Every soul in this universe would dance to it. And it would be a beautiful experience. That is my wish. That is my greatest desire." How far he has brought us!
For me this year has been an experience of Guru Maharaj Ji's love. So often I feel the inadequacy of my love for him. So easily I am distracted by the most mundane and trivial things, yet Maharaj Ji always responds with love. Each time that I open myself even the slightest bit to him, he fills me. He is always ready to give of himself, yet I see that so often he has to wait for me to open myself. He has to wait for me to be in that place of giving, so that when he gives his love to me, I don't try to hold onto it and selfishly have it for myself, but in turn can give it to others. The beauty of his love is that it always has to flow. When we grab it or stop it in any way, the flow of love stops and we dry up. But when we are opening and flowing and letting his grace move through us, our lives sparkle with beauty. The beauty of Guru Maharaj Ji can't be hidden.
Guru Maharaj Ji is working with us so gently: inspiring us, encouraging us, giving us his darshan and helping us to open up to Knowledge. He wants to share something so profound with us, yet he won't force us to come to him. The beauty of this experience is that we each can realize for ourselves and surrender ourselves to the grace that is within us. Nobody can force us into this experience because it is only when we are motivated from the deepest place within, only when we are motivated by love, can we know the perfection of Guru Maharaj Ji.
The formula that Guru Maharaj Ji has given us is so simple: Guru Maharaj Ji, satsang, service, meditation, surrender, and the sincerity that we put into using all that he has given us is what gives us that perfect experience. He wants us to have an experience that is unlimited, a joy that has no strings attached. But to receive what he has to give, he wants us to come to him with a pure purpose. We aren't practicing Knowledge because someone is standing over us forcing us to do it; fear can never motivate us into Knowledge. But as we open ourselves more and more to Knowledge, we can experience the beauty that is there, and that beauty compells us to give more. When we come to satsang for no other reason than because we love to be in the company of Truth, or when we meditate because we love the opportunity to focus inside, or when we do service because we love to surrender and be the humble servant of someone so full of love, then Knowledge comes to life. When love is there, satsang, service, and meditation are a miracle that Maharaj Ji can fill us with every day of our lives.
There is always so much to share, yet the essence of satsang is so simple: we need Guru Maharaj Ji. He is the one who has come to help us out of the maze of this world. He is the bridge between what is infinite and what is finite, and he can satisfy the deepest longing in our hearts to know what is true. I hope that in this coming year we will come closer and closer to him, until we are truly one heart loving our Lord. I hope everyone is doing well, by the grace of Guru Maharaj Ji. I'm sure that in this year to come Guru Maharaj Ji will surprise us in ways we never imagined, yet every experience of Guru Maharaj Ji is a surprise. Who could ever imagine that he is here!