All The Candy
Satsang given by initiator Brian McDermott at the "Court of Love Retreat", Reeders, Pennsylvania on September 3, 1977
Jai Satchitanand! I just feel completely helpless, and I want him to come and help me.
And I don't want to sit here wasting my time, not loving him.
It's too precious.
I just want Guru Maharaj Ji to come so much.
Even though I know he's here, I still want him to come.
You know, I really do. So much.
I just want Guru Maharaj Ji to come. I'm really glad the family's together, and I'm … Actually, I don't even care if the family's together. Guru Maharaj Ji, please come. That's all I want. I just want him to come.
I don't want him to phone, and I know it's the middle of the night and I know it's really inconvenient, but I'd like him to get on a plane and I'd like him to come. I don't even feel that I'd like him to come, but I just feel it so deeply that if there's just the slightest possibility that he would come, that's what I want to hope for. I don't want it to stop my experience that I'm having right now. But if stopping the experience that I'm having right now would help him to come, I'd stop it!
Oh, gosh! Okay, I'll try. I'll try to share some satsang. But I still want him to come.
And this is so serious. It's just really serious, because if he could have come, and he doesn't come because we just don't go deep enough, I'm going to feel terrible. And I don't know how to bring him. I just don't know how to bring him. But I really want him here. And if we have to sit here all night, and sit here all tomorrow, and sit here all tomorrow night, as long as he's dancing by that phone I just - well, maybe for me it's not such a great sacrifice. I don't know - I don't have a lot of commitments that everyone else has. Maybe you'll have to make the sacrifice. Maybe he'll give me a sacrifice to make. But you know, I think the only thing we have to do … I don't know what we have to do; I just feel completely - I just want him to come!
If that Love doesn't have to have a reason, why do I have to have a reason to want it? Why can't I just say, "Guru Maharaj Ji, just come, please."
And I know that we can sit here, and we can become enthusiastic. I know we can sit here. But I also know that there's got to be a place that's touched within inside our heart. And that's the place from which we have to call Guru Maharaj Ji. On one hand, we can set up a video camera and Guru Maharaj Ji can see us waving and he can listen to us clapping, but do we want him more than anything on this Earth? 'Cause that's what I know it takes, or it might take. And that's not something that I say just to say it, because I have things that are long overdue in being surrendered. And I'd really be willing to surrender those things - I think at this point I'd be willing to do anything if he would come.
You know, those songs that we sing -do we ever mean them? It's so easy to sing a song that has a tune and you can clap to it and say, "I would give you everything I own. I would give you my life and my heart and my home." But do we want to? To see him once again? You know, how much do we understand the value of Guru Maharaj Ji …
I can't even say that. Guru Maharaj Ji doesn't even have a value. What is the value of everything? But I know we have to go deep. I know that Guru Maharaj Ji is Guru Maharaj Ji. At least a little bit I know that. And it takes an incredible amount of letting go to let Guru Maharaj Ji just be a little of what he is for us.
And just sitting on a cold field with mists flowing in, I don't know how much that opens us up to the glory and the majesty of our Guru Maharaj Ji. Somehow I think we just have to let go of a lot more than that. We just have to go back before that. We have to go back, much further back.
And it's hard, you know, to long for that moment, because there's an ache. When that time comes, when Guru Maharaj Ji does give us that glimpse of himself, there's just such an ache within our being. Because it's so beautiful. But that ache calls. It can call to Guru Maharaj Ji. Our ache within our heart called him to this Earth. It called him to us. This Knowledge was revealed to us so that we could have that connection with Guru Maharaj Ji. But even that only is activated, only becomes real, when we pray, when we long in the deepest part of our heart that he keeps that experience alive for us.
But are we willing to be large enough by letting go of all the smallness within inside of us? Are we really willing to let every moment of satsang tonight penetrate - really keep our concentration focussed, so deeply, into every word, so that every single opportunity that's presented, every single bit of Grace that's flowing out to prepare us for that longing to hear the words of Guru Maharaj Ji, is taken full advantage of?
In Montrose in 1972, I had such a beautiful experience. Someone came up to me and said, "Brian, you're going to be the representative of Canada." And what they wanted to do was to ask Guru Maharaj Ji to come and visit. And so they said, "Well, Brian, you do it. You ask Guru Maharaj Ji."
And I thought, "Okay, there's my service." And I went over, and Guru Maharaj Ji had this big mobile home. (There isn't any such thing as a big mobile home. He was in this tiny little bit of aluminium siding with a little porch, loving his premies.) And there was a road leading down the hill from that, and then there were some stones. And I'd sit on the stones. And Guru Maharaj Ji would keep coming out. And there were five or six WPC, and I'd wait until the first six people ran up and the WPC had grabbed them, and then when they were occupied I'd run by them, and I'd go up and I'd do pranam to Guru Maharaj Ji, and I'd stand back there with everyone, talking all at once, not knowing anything, really so innocent and impolite. I guess the word is not "impolite" - "blasphemous." And I'd just say, "Guru Maharaj Ji, Guru Maharaj Ji, you have to come to Toronto."
And then Guru Maharaj Ji would just smile at all of us and play with someone, and then he'd go back in the trailer. And the WPC would come back up the hill and they'd just say, "Okay, okay, okay, you've all got darshan. Now go and have dinner." So I'd walk down to the stones and I'd sit there.
And I sat there hour after hour. And I saw Guru Maharaj Ji once, and I saw Guru Maharaj Ji twice, I saw Guru Maharaj Ji three times, I saw Guru Maharaj Ji four times, five times, six times, seven times, eight times … And he'd keep coming out, and I'd just keep running up. It was so incredible, you know, just to be able to see Guru Maharaj Ji that often.
And the eleventh time, I got up there and something happened, because I made it up there all by myself. Like usually there was a whole crowd. But this time I was there alone - well, maybe people were just behind me, but I was completely alone. And I looked up to Guru Maharaj Ji, and I just said, "Guru Maharaj Ji, please come to Toronto." But this time it was different. It wasn't because someone put me up to it. It wasn't because it was the thing to do. It was just, "Guru Maharaj Ji, please come to Toronto." And it was like for the premies there.
And Guru Maharaj Ji just looked right . at me and he said, "Why?" And before I could think, before anything, I just called out and it was, "Guru Maharaj Ji, because I need you." It was, "I need you." It wasn't the premies in Toronto; it was, "I need you." And I was completely amazed that I had been able to say that.
And just then he put his finger right in my forehead, just straight into the middle of my forehead, and he just said, "You have no control!" And I just went … And I never understood that until Guru Maharaj Ji started talking about surrender. That was it; I was gone. I was gone for weeks! And a couple of people helped me over to a rock and they draped me over it. And I was looking at Guru Maharaj Ji, but he wasn't that same - well, he was what he always was, but to me he now looked so different than the first time I ran up the hill. Because he was omnipotent now. And he was everything. And that internal experience I had had of his glory was now there externally. And he was completely there. And I was just looking at him.
And he turned around to someone - he just turned around and he said something. And this person went into the trailer and came out with some candy. And this little boy was picked up by his mom, and carried up to the stoop, and Guru Maharaj Ji held this piece of candy out, and just held it and held it, and the little boy reached and reached and reached and reached. And Guru Maharaj Ji just - further and further and further, and the little boy was reaching and reaching. And Guru Maharaj Ji would bring it close, and then pull it away. And when that little boy was just so far reaching, just reaching, Guru Maharaj Ji gave him the candy. And he had it in his hand.
Immediately, Guru Maharaj Ji took out another candy. So the little boy put it in this hand, and he reached. And this time, he didn't have to reach as hard. But he did have to reach. And finally Guru Maharaj Ji gave him the candy. And then Guru Maharaj Ji took out two candies. And he reached and got two candies. And he had his hands full. And Guru Maharaj Ji held out two candies. So he had his hands full. And Guru Maharaj Ji held out two candies. So he put his candies like this (under his arm), and he reached out and he took two candies.
And then Guru Maharaj Ji held out more candy. And he took another one, and he couldn't hold any more. And yet, you just saw, even though he had all of that, he was still longing, he was completely wanting it all. And Guru Maharaj Ji took the box of candy and just poured it over his head! And when the candy was picked up, and that was over with, someone came out with another box of candy.
And some mother grabbed her daughter. And Guru Maharaj Ji was there with the candy, but this little girl had this peanut butter and jelly sandwich in her hand.
And it was oozing out between her knuckles, and it was all covered with dirt, and it was like clutched - just like this plastic gluk, you know, just completely clutched there. And it was just so disgusting.
And then Guru Maharaj Ji held out a piece of candy and she took it. And she didn't have to reach, hardly at all. And then Guru Maharaj Ji held out another piece of candy and she took it. And another piece, and she took it. And Guru Maharaj Ji held out two pieces, and it was like - she got one, and then Guru Maharaj Ji held out more, and that was it.
Like there was this big choice that had to be made at that time in her little life. And it was a choice between that filthy disgusting sandwich that she was clutched onto, and this candy that Guru Maharaj Ji was offering, so fresh, so beautifully wrapped, so pure, so new, so just incredible. And she just looked at the candy and looked at the sandwich and looked at the candy and looked at the sandwich and looked at the candy and freaked out completely! Just completely couldn't handle it. It was too cruel! And then, because she was making such a racket, her mom just took her away.
And then - someone came out with this big box of chocolates. This was like the most incredible display of candy, you know, just this big box. Guru Maharaj Ji lifted up the top and took a chocolate out, and he offered it. And this father grabbed his little girl and ran up. And this kid didn't want to go up at all, but "Come up! Get prasad! Whup!" And the child was crying, and I was watching this whole thing going on. And Guru Maharaj Ji offered - "Nnnh! Nnnh!"
And Guru Maharaj Ji rested it almost on her hand - "Nnnh! Nyyeh!" And the father's going, "Take it. Take it! Take it!!!" And it's so weird, the vibe was so weird.
And then Guru Maharaj Ji, he took the chocolate, put it back in the box, and he lifted up that piece of cotton and handed it back, and he just held the whole box out. And she just started screaming and kicking and turning away and fighting and beating, and her father had to take her away. And then Guru Maharaj Ji gave it to a child to hand out these candies to all the children.
And that story, for me, is so deep. And every time I experience it, it just gets deeper. Because Guru Maharaj Ji - look what he's offered! He offered this Earth so that there could be Poconos, or whatever these are called - hills. And then he offered his grass, and then he offered his trees and his sky and his starlight and his sunlight and his air and his clouds, and then he allowed someone to have an understanding that they could give it to some premies for a weekend for a sum. And then he allowed a stage to be constructed on it, all by Grace. And he allowed everything to come together so beautifully. And then he allowed all of you to hear about it, and to be inspired and to come here. And for me, he just allowed me to come, which is so precious for me. He's just giving, giving - and then he sent Raja Ji, and initiators, and just his Love was there. His Love is here. And yet, he's offering more. And how much are we going to take?
Because what I want - I just would like to give him everything, so that he will just take that box of candy, which is his own blessing, which is his own Grace, which is his own presence, which is his own being, and just fill me with him.
When Bill was sharing last night that now we have an opportunity to merge with Guru Maharaj Ji - and I had never heard that before. It was just like bullets being fired into me when he said, "You can merge with Guru
Maharaj Ji. This is an opportunity that we can merge into Guru Maharaj Ji, that we can merge with his purpose, that we can merge with his will, that we can merge with his energy, that we can merge with his Love." And I was just rocked. I didn't know that was - I was just like: "Wow!"
But I also know that Guru Maharaj Ji is completely one with this Knowledge; he's completely one with this work, with this mission on this Earth. Never for a second is there anything that he does that isn't absolutely, sincerely and profoundly furthering the agya of Shri Guru Maharaj Ji. Everything is so precise; there's not one speck of personal space. There's not one bit of anything within inside of him except that perfection. He's just One.
And are we willing to follow that path? Am I willing to follow that path? To completely dedicate myself one-pointedly to being one with our Guru Maharaj Ji, with my Guru Maharaj Ji? And that's not something that we just do for a couple of minutes, but that's something we do second by second.
I couldn't believe that Guru Maharaj Ji ended Guru Puja with that strange little boogie tune: "How sweet it is to be loved by you." And isn't that just the sweetest thing, to be loved by Guru Maharaj Ji? And so, really inside, no one can say, "Take the chocolates. Take the chocolates. Take the chocolates!" Satsang can coax you a little bit into dropping the gluk. At least it can show you the jeopardy, the precariousness of your situation, when you need so much from Guru Maharaj Ji and your hand is filled with that mess! That's serious. That's critical.
And so if we can understand that, and like that first child, reach, reach, reach, reach, reach, get one candy, two candies, three candies, four candies, five candies, six candies, all the candies, just be in a shower of his Grace tonight, and if we can be completely showered by his Grace tonight, or whenever this is, then tomorrow we'll really be able to long with all hearts for Guru Maharaj Ji. Bolie Shri Satgurudev Maharaj Ki Jai!