Holi 79, Premie Satsang
For a premie, there is nothing more precious than the darshan and satsang of his Guru Maharaj Ji. It seems, though, that Holi is somehow something special. It is at Holi that we have the chance to play with our Guru Maharaj Ji. He allows us to come so close to him. He washes us with colors and our attention to this mundane world disappears. The only thing we see is Guru Maharaj Ji. There is power to his love. We stand firm and nothing can turn us away. We reach out for more and he sees us. He acknowledges our being there in a personal way for each of us and we smile openly at the recognition of each other's love.
At Holi, this love is completely out in the open. A devotee always longs to be with his Guru Maharaj Ji, but there is a hidden dream within each of our hearts that Guru Maharaj Ji would long to be with us as well. In his play, you can see his love. You can feel it. He is before you. You are his child; you are his devotee. He makes each one of us know that he knows we are there. He wants to be with us as much as we wantto be with him.
In the color of his love, we all become the same. We may turn to each other and see what Maharaj Ji has done. We laugh -- in each other we see ourselves. We are like children again and in the power of his love, we are made to let go … to experience the grace that surrender brings.
And yet, there is always something new … there is always an evolution. It was at Holi that Maharaj Ji first introduced us to Premlata, his "vine of love." It was at Holi that he offered us the gift of devotion. And it was at Holi that he told us that devotion was the way to love him. His spray gun, now "with more power than ever before," reaching out to all the premies no matter how far away as he reaches out to distant lands, bringing his grace and love.
And as if that were not enough, he comes still closer to a smaller stage nearer the premies. He comes this time wearing garlands of flowers. He allows us to witness openly the beauty and glory of his Divine form. He lets his family shower him in a color of their love while Hansi does it for us all by putting the color at his feet.
Maharaj Ji keeps coming closer. He keeps giving more. In Holi, he gives us more than we could possibly contain. He reveals himself, he shows his love, he shows his beauty, his power, and you let go in awe. You feel his grace and blessings are with you. You forget what's possible and impossible -- it's all happening.
He shows us in Holi what he speaks of in satsang.
Through his agya, his Knowledge, he gives us the eyes to see our purpose. Our purpose is himself. Our life is himself. The mystery is no longer hidden. The secret is devotion. And for a devotee, he has made this life Holi.
When I first read Guru Maharaj Ji's description of Holi in 1971, I was startled: "In Hindi, 'Holi' means gone. That time that is gone is done. Now start your life. Don't think of the past … On Holi, your faces are covered with color so that you can't be recognized. It's because you should change your life in such a fashion that you can't be recognized."
'Gone' usually is a simple word. But here its meaning is so exact. And since this past Holi, that force of life within has been showing me that in reality we are gone. It alone is present. It is the fact of life. It makes us walk. It makes us talk, It makes the smart person smart, the pretty person pretty. It even graces a premie with life, to obey and enjoy his Guru Maharaj Ji. Very quietly, it has pointed out that over and above our being a carcass, it gets the credit for everything. Because without it what are we? Nothing, actually. When it leaves, we fall down.
Yet even though it is everything and everywhere, it somehow allows us to pretend about little dreams of being some John or Mary. But its beauty, its fullness, its eternal love, never fits into those dreams. Not even into the dreams of devotion.
Feeling this, each day I appreciate the gift of Knowledge more. From tip to toe, it's real. It's solid. You can live on it. And best of all, it our Guru Maharaj Ji. Through it, we can set aside our little dreams, leave our human names, go into that great beauty and become one with that Holy Name.
I so often forget it's only the Guru Maharaj Ji within me that's the true devotee -- and it's only when I empty myself into him, into his agya and his Name, that devotion begins to flow. Then there is reality. And being real, there is no need to pretend to be real.
A river only has its own name until it reaches the ocean. Then it merges. It becomes ocean. More real than all its rushing is the fact that it's home. Home -- and gone.
Scriptures say devotees had names like Hanuman and Saint John. But I think that by the time scriptures began to notice them, they had lost their own names and merged into His Name. They had come home. They became present. They were more real than ever before. Yet they were totally "gone," totally "holi."